


The Whole World's A Stage

by chimneythunder



Category: High School Musical (Movies), McFly
Genre: Humor, M/M, Musicals, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 11:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimneythunder/pseuds/chimneythunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dougie Poynter’s the new kid at Seuwper Wreakords High and immediately catches the eye of Harry Judd, who decides he wants this strange, runt-like new boy. The problem? Harry’s never exactly been well-liked and Dougie’s being pulled more towards the popular kids every second. What’s a boy to do? Why, try out for the school musical to impress him! (Duh.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whole World's A Stage

**Author's Note:**

> This was the last fic I wrote for the McFly fandom. At the time, I was in my second year of university and would idly write parts of this when I was supposed to be taking notes in my lectures (surprisingly, I graduated with an overall 2:1, which is impressive considering most of my notes consisted of THIS FIC). One day, after I'd been writing Scene Twenty One in a particularly dull 3-hour lecture about German New Wave Cinema, I got home afterwards and saw that I had a message from the very cute guy who'd been sitting behind me in the lecture, saying that he wanted to read my musical. Considering just what I'd been writing, my immediate reaction was a very high-pitched "OHMYGODNOOOOOO!!!" 
> 
> Although weirdly enough, we did actually end up going out for two months shortly after that, so THANKS McFLY!!! :D :D :D

**SCENE ONE**  
 _The movie begins with a montage of snow-capped mountains. As this happens, we have the opening credits._

CREDITS:  
Dougie Poynter... Harry Judd... Tom Fletcher... Danny Jones... in... A MUSICAL. 

_We get a shot of a nice holiday resort in the middle of all the mountains. The camera zooms in and then cross-fades to an interior shot of one of the resorts facilities – an indoor basketball court. There are a handful of people in there, but our attention is drawn to one boy in particular. He’s playing basketball against his father with amazing skill for his age, which looks to be about early 20’s, no younger._

BOY’S FATHER:  
That’s it son!! You’ll be the best 16 year-old basketball player the world has ever seen!!

_Wait, WHAT?_

_Annnywaaayy..._

_The BOY is slam dunkin’ and being brilliant in general. And the boy is... TROY BOLTON._

TROY:  
Woo-hoo!! I am awesome!!

TROY’S DAD:  
Yes you are, my son!! I love you!

TROY:  
I love you too, dad!!

_They hug, in a manly way, obviously._

_Meanwhile, at the far end of the room, sitting on the benches are two figures, another FATHER and his SON. The father looks wistfully at TROY and TROY’S DAD and then looks back at his own son, who is a sight to behold. His face is white and he has serious amounts of black eye-liner on. He’s wearing a black, floor-length leather trench coat with monster boots underneath, with black jeans and a t-shirt that proclaims the legendary face of Marilyn Manson. He’s a GOTH... and his name is HARRY JUDD._

_HARRY is currently drawing in a little notebook, completely absorbed in the task. HARRY’S FATHER looks over and makes an attempt at conversation._

HARRY’S FATHER:  
So... what you drawing, son? 

_Harry looks up slowly and glares at him. His father looks over his shoulder to see – it’s a picture of Troy with a NOOSE around his neck, swinging delicately from the basketball hoop._

HARRY’S FATHER:  
That’s... um... nice. 

_Harry GLARES._

HARRY’S FATHER:  
 _[Making another VERY BRAVE stab at conversation]_ So son, you looking forward to the New Years Eve Party tonight? There’s a special one for kid- err, I mean, young adults.

_Guess how Harry responds._

_With a heavy sigh, Harry’s Father looks back to Troy and Troy’s Dad. Troy’s Dad is ruffling his son’s hair affectionately. Harry’s Father lifts his own hand, as if in an attempt to copy this, but just as his hand is nearing his son’s head:-_

HARRY:  
Try it and you DIE. 

 

**SCENE TWO**  
 _It’s the party for ‘young adults’, as HARRY’S FATHER so tactfully put it. What this translates into is that the few teenagers there are scattered uncomfortably around the room, surrounded by running, shrieking small children, with a crappy stage in the middle of it all. HARRY is standing in one corner, arms folded and a face like thunder as he is used as a maypole by a group of eight year-olds. TROY BOLTON is merging through the children, smiling and being very nice to them all._

_Harry GLARES at this._

_Suddenly, he sees something. Sitting by the side of the stage, engrossed deeply in a book, is a BOY. He looks to be Harry’s age, with bright-blond hair that looks like the result of an accident with a bottle of bleach. Harry edges his way over to the boy to see what he’s reading. The spine of the book says it’s Great Expectations, but there’s no way anyone could have such a dirty smile on their face from that._

_Ah..._

_The Boy has shoved a porn magazine in the middle. We’re not sure if we should congratulate him on his craftiness or be horrified because he’s surrounded by SMALL CHILDREN._

_Harry isn’t too sure either. He decides he wants to say something to this boy though. He opens his mouth to speak when -_

ANNOYING PARTY HOST:  
... and let’s have two volunteers up on stage for the KARAOKE!!! How about you two??

_Harry and the Boy look up in horror. But it’s too late, they’ve both been pulled up on stage before they can protest and are handed microphones._

ANNOYING PARTY HOST:  
So, what’s your names?

THE BOY:  
Err... Dougie.

HARRY:  
I’m not doing this. I can’t sing. 

ANNOYING PARTY HOST:  
Great!! Well, everyone, let’s welcome Dougie and his friend to the stage, and your song starts – NOW!

_The music starts up. It sounds like some generic Disney tune. The words appear on a screen. Dougie looks to Harry helplessly..._

_... except Harry’s already done the smart thing and stormed off stage. He throws the microphone at TROY. Unfortunately, Troy’s got excellent reflexes and catches it easily. He starts SINGING the song._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] I lived inside my own head for years,  
Surrounded by my dreams and fears,  
I never knew what I was missing until the day I found yooou...

Dougie blinks, takes a deep, shaking breath and then -

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] I didn’t want help and to be,  
I didn’t want company.  
But when I found you I realised what I’d been withoooouutt...

_Harry turns around slowly, staring at Dougie, mouth open in surprise. The kid can sing!!_

_The look of surprise changes to one of ‘Oh dear GOD, what is THAT???’ when he realises that Dougie and Troy are smiling shyly at each other._

TROY and DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] Yeah, you opened up my eyes,  
Took me by surprise,  
Made me feel at home.  
And now, I am not alone.

TROY:  
[ _Singing and holding his hand out to Dougie_ ] So just take my haaaaaannnnndd...

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing and taking TROY’S HAND_ ] And make me understtaaanndd...

TROY and DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] What love can... dooooo....

_The song finishes. The audience CHEER. NO ONE questions how the two boys were able to harmonise PERFECTLY for a song that no one has heard before. Dougie is still HOLDING TROY’S HAND. He’s GIGGLING and Troy is smiling at him like he’s the most ADORABLE PERSON on Earth._

_Harry is standing at the back of the room, looking very BITTER._

 

**SCENE THREE**  
 _Outside, on a balcony. The snow is gently falling and New Year is only minutes away. DOUGIE is chatting to TROY._

TROY:  
That was incredible! You’re an amazing singer!! 

DOUGIE:  
Thanks! So are you! Do you sing professionally?

TROY:  
Nah, I’m a jock. We don’t DO singing. 

_HARRY is watching all this from afar, looking very displeased. He’s not sure why, but watching Dougie and Troy flirting is making him very angry._

HARRY:  
I must sabotage this... but how?

_He looks down at the snow and gets an IDEA._

HARRY:  
Hey Bolton, think fast!!

_He throws a SNOWBALL at Troy. It hits him squarely in the head and KNOCKS HIM OUT. His unconscious body slumps forward and FALLS OVER THE EDGE of the balcony._

DOUGIE:  
Oh my God!!! Troy!!! 

_Harry has seized the opportunity and has sidled up next to Dougie._

HARRY:  
Don’t worry about him – he landed on something soft. 

_Sure enough, Troy has landed on a family of SNOWMEN, crushing all of them except for the smallest one._

BABY SNOWMAN:  
OH GOD!!! MUM!! DAD!!! WHHY???!! 

HARRY:  
See? All good! So, you’re Dougie, huh?

_Dougie’s attention is turned to Harry._

DOUGIE:  
Yeah, I am. I didn’t catch your name though...

HARRY:  
Harry. Harry Judd. Sorry for ditching you earlier – it’s just I really can’t sing.

DOUGIE:  
Aww, I’m sure you’re not that bad.

HARRY:  
No no, you don’t get it – I genuinely can’t sing. I sound like strangled newborn kittens going through a blender... which really is a problem at my school.

DOUGIE:  
Your school? Why? Where do you go?

HARRY:  
Seuwper Wreakords High. It’s one of _those_ schools.

_Dougie’s face is blank for a few seconds, and then he understands._

DOUGIE:  
Oh. OH. You poor thing!

HARRY:  
Tell me about it... [ _Gesturing his head towards where TROY is still lying unconscious._ ] This wanker goes there too, unfortunately. 

DOUGIE:  
You don’t like him. 

_It’s not a question._

HARRY:  
Ahh, you guessed?

DOUGIE:  
Mind me asking why?

HARRY:  
Well, with my school, there’s the social hierarchy. He’s the do-gooder of a hero at the top. Everyone worships him and all he can do is whine about how hard life is for him because people just don’t understand him. 

DOUGIE:  
And where are you?

HARRY:  
I’m below the janitor – I wouldn’t even function as backup in musical numbers. 

DOUGIE:  
That sucks. I know the feeling – My mum moves around a lot so I have to keep changing schools. I don’t really get to make new friends. 

_Harry smiles sympathetically. There’s a moment of understanding passed between the two boys._

PEOPLE AROUND THEM AT THE PARTY:  
[ _Various cries of:_ ] It’s almost new year!! Yaaay!! Can’t wait for the countdown!! Starting in one minute!! 

DOUGIE:  
So, can I get your number? You know, to keep in touch?

_Dougie is BLUSHING as he speaks. Harry is momentarily thrown by this. No one’s ever asked for his number before and he’s not too sure how to react._

HARRY:  
Err, yeah – sure. Here, let’s get yours too. 

DOUGIE:  
Awesome!!

_They exchange phones and put in their numbers. Harry is smiling, but trying not to._

DOUGIE:  
You know, underneath that hostility and goth make-up, you’re quite hot when you smile. 

_Harry thanks Jesus and all of his apostles that he’s wearing so much white face-paint – It hides the fact that his face has now gone a nice shade of RED._

HARRY:  
Erm, so I’ll text you at some point –

PEOPLE AROUND THEM AT THE PARTY:  
COUNTDOWWN!!! YAAY!!! 10! 9! 8! SEVEN! SIX! CINCO! CUATRO! TRES! DOS! ONE!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!! 

_Harry is about to wish Dougie a happy new year, but he’s silenced by Dougie suddenly KISSING HIM. It’s a brief kiss – are there tongues?! – and then Dougie pulls away, looking triumphant. He’s got black lipstick smeared around his mouth._

DOUGIE:  
Happy New Year!

HARRY:  
H – H – Happy New Year to you too. 

DOUGIE:  
I’ve got to go find my mum, wish her happy new year – I’ll see you around, Harry Judd.

_With a wink, he disappears back into the party, leaving Harry standing on the balcony, slightly stunned as what’s just happened sinks in._

HARRY:  
Oh – My – God... I JUST PULLED!!!! HAHAA YESSSS!!!!!!

_He goes back into the party, figuring he should follow Dougie’s example and go find his dad and wish him a happy new year._

TROY:  
[ _Weakly, from below the balcony_ ] Why does no one help me when I’m clearly in need of medical attention??

 

**SCENE FOUR**  
 _It’s a week later. Welcome to SEUWPER WREAKORDS HIGH!! It looks like your typical high-school – students are milling about, life is everywhere. TROY BOLTON is walking with his fellow jocks, a bruise on his forehead, one arm in a sling and wheezing slightly from a chest infection he’s just getting over. The students are chatting to their friends, everyone is happy._

_Suddenly, they fall silent._

_HARRY JUDD – in full goth get-up and looking particularly terrifying today - storms through the crowd, people quickly getting out his way and staring at him. He walks up the grass to the main entrance, opens the door and slams it behind him as he goes inside. As soon as he’s gone, the chatter starts up again._

RANDOM STUDENT:  
Man, he’s a scary guy... 

_As Harry walks up to his locker, there’s someone already waiting for him there. It’s a short kid with dark, curly hair. His name is LIL’ CHRIS... and for some reason, he LIKES hanging out with Harry. Harry’s never really been able to work out WHY exactly, but doesn’t complain._

LIL’ CHRIS:  
Hi Harry!! How was your holiday?! Did you have a good one?? What did you get for Christmas?? 

HARRY:  
[ _Complete un-enthusiasm as he opens his locker_ ] Morning Brat. How was your holiday?

_Harry’s locker has been spray-painted black, making it stand out vividly against the other red ones. On the inside, it’s not much better – black candles that are constantly burning, dead roses, scary pictures and a hanging voodoo doll that bears an odd resemblance to TROY BOLTON._

LIL’ CHRIS:  
It was great!! I got a new drum kit!!

HARRY:  
You play drums?

LIL’ CHRIS:  
And guitar! And bass! And piano! And harmonica! And trumpet! And flute! And cello! And didgeridoo! And the triangle!! 

HARRY:  
[ _Not really listening as he searches his locker_ ] Great. Where the hell is my text book?!

LIL’ CHRIS:  
Shall I carry your books for you to class??

HARRY:  
If I can find them... fuck it. Come on, let’s go. We’re going to be late. 

_He slams his locker shut with more force than necessary. Lil’ Chris scampers eagerly to Harry’s side, having to jog to keep up with him. Thankfully, the crowds always seem to part for Harry so he’s not too hard to follow. They go into their classroom, which is also the DRAMA STUDIO. There are several students there already, chatting happily to each other. Troy Bolton is one of them. As Harry and Lil’ Chris walk past his desk, he sees them and raises his uninjured arm in a half-wave._

TROY:  
Hey Judd. 

HARRY:  
Talk to me again and I’ll break your nose. 

_Harry goes to the BACK of the classroom and takes his usual seat. Lil’ Chris sits next to him, babbling on eagerly about something._

_Suddenly, their teacher arrives in a dramatic flourish of hand-waving and dramatic posing._

HARRY:  
[ _Realising who their teacher is this year_ ] Oh no...

TEACHER:  
Good MORNING, students!!!! I am Dr. Danny Jones, your WONDERFUL drama teacher and form tutor this year!!! So, let’s start with a quick warm up song –  
[ _Singing_ ] Iiiiiffff you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!!

_Harry, in response, WHACKS HIS HEAD ON THE DESK twice._

 

**SCENE FIVE**  
 _DOUGIE is sitting nervously in an armchair in front of a desk. He’s in a head teacher’s office and on the desk is a name plaque that reads “TOM FLETCHER – HEADMASTER.” Mr. FLETCHER is sitting at the desk, blond hair and black-plastic rimmed glasses, looking over Dougie’s information._

Mr. FLETCHER:  
Hmm... interesting... very interesting... oohh, this is good... this is very good... ooh... that’s not good... that’s very bad...

_Dougie looks slightly apprehensive._

_Mr. Fletcher suddenly slams the folder shut, making Dougie jump. He looks up and smiles at Dougie with the same kind of smile that a PEDOPHILE would have when he finds a five year-old boy in the park who has just LOST HIS MUM._

Mr. FLETCHER:  
Well Dougie, welcome to Seuwper Wreakords High! Do you have any questions?

_Dougie clears his throat nervously._

DOUGIE:  
Just one – Is –

Mr. FLETCHER:  
[ _Interrupting_ ] Fantastic! Excellent question to ask, you’re displaying real initiative!! We always like that here!! Well, I suppose I should give you the tour! 

_He stands up and goes over to the door, holding it open for Dougie. Dougie grabs his bag and meekly follows through._

 

**SCENE SIX**  
 _Mr. FLETCHER is leading DOUGIE down the school corridor. Dougie is clutching his bag to his chest like a SECURITY BLANKET, looking around his new school with wide eyes as Mr. Fletcher explains the way things are done._

Mr. FLETCHER:  
... and that’s why we don’t allow masturbation in the school kitchens. So, Dougie, what made you choose Seuwper Wreakords High? 

DOUGIE:  
Well, my mum just moved to the area and I sort of know some people who go here... well, person. 

Mr. FLETCHER:  
Oh, you do? How splendid!! You’ll be settling in here in NO time!! Well, this is the generic corridor in which you’ll spend your time in between classes. Over in here, we have Biology –

_He opens a nearby classroom door, revealing 5 beautiful female teachers at the front of the class -_

Miss HARDING:  
It’s in the way that we walk.

Mrs TWEEY:  
The way that we talk.

Miss COYLE:  
It’s there in our thoughts.

_\- He SLAMS the door shut._

Mr. FLETCHER:  
Ahh, and here we have where you go! You’re in Dr. Jones’s class –

_He knocks on the door once, then opens it and SHOVES Dougie through it before the boy can do anything._

 

**SCENE SEVEN**  
 _We’re in Dr. JONES’S classroom. Dr. Jones himself is at the front of the class, explaining to his students about the new school rules._

Dr. JONES:  
... and that’s why masturbation is no longer allowed in the school kitchens. Now, I’d also like to remind you all that we will be holding auditions for the school play this year at the end of the week and I hope to see all of you there!

_He looks around the class and SMILES WIDELY at TROY BOLTON. His gaze then reaches HARRY, who is GLARING at him, slumped in his seat at the back of the class. The smile abruptly vanishes off his face._

Dr. JONES:  
Well... most of you anyway. 

_Suddenly, the door bursts open and something short comes flying through the air._

DOUGIE:  
IIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!

_He hits the ground with an impressive bang and the class BURSTS INTO APPLAUSE. Dr. Jones goes over to help him up._

Dr. JONES:  
Ahh, you must be our new student, Dougie Poynter?

_Harry suddenly sits bolt upright in his seat, like he’s been electrocuted._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Getting up_ ] Yeah, that’s me...

Dr. JONES:  
Excellent! Well, we have a spare seat next to... Troy Bolton!! Go sit there!

_Dougie does so. Troy’s face lights up as he recognises Dougie._

TROY:  
Hey! Do you remember me?

DOUGIE:  
Err, yeah... Troy, right?

TROY:  
That’s it!

DOUGIE:  
Awesome! Actually, perhaps you can help me? I’m trying to find someone who goes here, Har -

Dr. JONES:  
No talking in my class, Mr Poynter!! Detention!

TROY:  
That’s a bit harsh, he’s only just got here!!

Dr. JONES:  
No back-chatting either, Mr Bolton! You’ll be joining Mr. Poynter in detention!

_Harry suddenly has an IDEA._

HARRY:  
Surely you’re being a bit of a Nazi? I mean, technically, lessons haven’t even started yet!

_He looks at Dr. Jones hopefully, expecting to be given a detention. The rest of the class, however, are staring at Harry, TERRIFIED. This is scary goth Harry Judd here – he NEVER speaks up in class and he certainly NEVER would do it to stand up for another student!!_

Dr. JONES:  
Don’t call me a Nazi, Mr. Judd. Now, if I could add as another reminder that ...

_As he carries on talking, Harry slumps back in his seat, SCOWLING._

LIL CHRIS:  
[ _Whispering to Harry_ ] What was THAT all about??

_Harry GLARES at him. He looks back to Dougie and gives a start of surprise when he realises that Dougie is staring straight at him, a grin on his face as he gives a small wave of ‘hello’._

_Before Harry can respond, the BELL RINGS, signalling the start of lessons. Harry jumps to his feet, intending to go and speak to Dougie. However, Troy beats him to it and is leading Dougie out the class by the arm before Harry can do anything._

HARRY:  
 **@ &%*£**!!!

_He grabs his black bag and jogs out the classroom, trying to catch up._

**SCENE EIGHT**  
 _HARRY is pushing his way through the crowded corridor – the crowds are parting for him as per usual, but they’re not doing it fast enough. He’s looking for Dougie. LIL CHRIS scampers behind him._

LIL CHRIS:  
Dude, where are we going?! We’ve got English next – the classroom’s the other way!!

HARRY:  
Hush! I’m trying to find –

_Lil Chris suddenly FREEZES._

LIL CHRIS:  
Harry –

HARRY:  
Come on!!

LIL CHRIS:  
No, Harry!! Listen, can’t you hear that??

_Harry stops. The chatter of various students surrounds them... but it seems to be dimming. There are people slamming their locker doors shut and the sound seems to be forming... a beat?_

_Harry looks HORRIFIED. He knows exactly what this is leading up to._

LIL CHRIS:  
Harry, we’ve got to go!!

HARRY:  
But – 

_He looks TORN. Part of him wants to find Dougie but he knows what’s coming if he stays. Lil Chris, meanwhile, has grabbed the tail of Harry’s trench coat and is trying to drag him away._

_It’s too late. The beat has unmistakably formed and the chatter has all but faded. A jazzy-sounding bass line is playing –no one questions where it’s coming from._

_Suddenly, one of the students next to Harry – a JOCK – slams their locker shut, spins around and walks into the middle of the hallway, where there’s already a parting in the crowd because Harry’s standing there._

JOCK:  
[ _Singing_ ] Have you seen? Have you heard?  
Do you know what’s the word? 

_A DORKY GIRL randomly joins in, coming in from behind Harry and making him jump. He tries to find a way out but the students have formed the “performance circle”. THERE’S NO ESCAPE. The Dorky Girl pretends to be talking to her friends with very obvious, stylised movements._

DORKY GIRL:  
[ _Singing_ ] There’s a buzz, there’s a fuss,  
The whole school’s gone insane.  
We’re all so excited, coz we’ve got a new game.

_MUSIC EXPLOSION FULL BLAST into the CHORUS!!_

ALL THE STUDENTS (except Harry and Lil Chris):  
[ _Singing, complete with synchronised dancing_ ] New Boy!!  
We’ve got a New Boy!!  
Where’s he from? What’s he like?  
Is it love at first sight?  
New Boy!!  
We’ve got a New Boy!  
What’s his name? Is he OK?  
Is he from far away?

_And we in full-song-mode now. The students start moving about, chatting excitedly – Harry struggles through the middle of it all, trying not to get involved._

CHEERLEADER:  
[ _Singing_ ] You know, I saw him,  
When he walked in.  
He’s fit! He’s fine!  
I’ll make him mine!

POTHEAD BURN OUT:  
[ _Singing_ ] Crazy girl, he’s one of us!  
Though he looks like a bit of a wuss.  
And through it all, it’s the end –

RANDOM CHINESE FORIEGN EXCHANGE STUDENT:  
[ _Singing_ ] Do you think he’ll be my friend?

STUDENTS:  
[ _Singing happily_ ] NO!!!  
New Boy!!  
We’ve got a New Boy!!  
Where’s he from? What’s he like?  
Is it love at first sight?  
New Boy!!  
We’ve got a New Boy!!  
What’s his name? Is he OK?  
Is he –

_Harry is suddenly CATAPULTED into the middle of the song by the cheerleaders._

HARRY:  
[ _Spoken flatly_ ] – Really, really GAY.

_There’s one final chord BURST and the song ENDS._

_ALL THE STUDENTS are staring at Harry, pissed that he ruined the song. Somewhere in the background, CRICKETS CHURP. Through years of practice, Harry ignores them and storms through the silent crowd, Lil Chris following uncomfortably behind._

HARRY:  
[ _Muttering to himself_ ] I hate this **$@!#%** school.

 

**SCENE NINE**  
 _DOUGIE and TROY are walking through the corridor. Behind them, we hear the fading sounds of “New Boy”._

DOUGIE:  
What was that??

TROY:  
Oh, that was just the students here – they’re all really excited about your arrival. 

_Dougie looks a bit ANNOYED at this._

DOUGIE:  
Riiiiiggghhhtt... you know, I’m not so comfortable with people bursting into song over me.

TROY:  
Haha, you get used to it here. You’ll find that most the people singing don’t even know or understand you anyway.

_He says this QUITE DARKLY and falls deep into his thoughts._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Trying to change the subject_ ] So, you going to try out for the school musical?

TROY:  
Me? No, I couldn’t...

DOUGIE:  
Don’t you want to?

TROY:  
No no, I do... but... I just... I’m a jock. Jocks don’t try out for the school musical. Besides, my friends would kill me if I did. 

DOUGIE:  
[ _After a pause_ ] You’ve got REALLY shit friends then. What kind of friends don’t support you??

TROY:  
Well... I... I...

DOUGIE:  
And if it boils down to that “clique and typecasting” thing, then technically, you shouldn’t even be talking to me! I’m not a jock and never will be!

TROY:  
Yeah, but you’re special... we had that moment over New Year... it’s like when you’re at playschool and you find a kid you’ve never seen before in your life and you go over, and within minutes, you’re playing with each other like you’re old friends... like you’ve known them your whole life... it was like that when we sung together...

_He looks up, but Dougie’s GONE. He sees that Dougie is further down the corridor, chatting to someone._

TROY:  
HEY!!!

_He runs after him._

TROY:  
What the hell is up with yo – Oh. Hello Judd. 

_For Dougie is talking to HARRY._

_A Harry who looks very ANNOYED at Troy’s sudden appearance, to be more exact._

HARRY:  
What do you want, Bolton?

TROY:  
I was showing Dougie around the school. 

HARRY:  
And now you’re not. Buh-bye now. 

_He turns back to Dougie._

HARRY:  
So when did you decide to come here?

DOUGIE:  
Last night – my mum suddenly got transferred at her work and I had to pick a school as quickly as possible, and then I remembered that you came here...

_There’s a heavy implication that the ONLY REASON Dougie came to Seuwper Wreakords High is because of HARRY, something that isn’t lost on either of them. Harry grins._

TROY:  
[ _Suddenly VERY BITTER_ ] Watch it, Judd – all that smiling might crack your make-up. 

_Harry and Dougie IGNORE him._

HARRY:  
So... have you got any plans later? 

DOUGIE:  
What, today? Nope, nothing! 

HARRY:  
Well, if you wanted to... we could do something.

_Dougie’s eyebrows go WAY UP._

HARRY:  
Not in that way!!!! I – I – I just meant if you wanted to hang out or something -

DOUGIE:  
Sure!

HARRY:  
I mean, I get it if you don’t – hang on, what did you say?!

DOUGIE:  
I said sure! I’ve got nothing better to do tonight! 

HARRY:  
Great!!! 

_He sounds as if he really means it. He opens his bag and pulls out a black folder, flips it open and quickly scribbles his address, which he tears out and hands to Dougie._

HARRY:  
Here’s where I live, come over around... 6ish? 

DOUGIE:  
I’ll be there! 

_They both look ADORABLY happy and excited. A group of students have frozen at the other side of the hall, staring in utter fear at the sight of Harry Judd SMILING. Clearly, HELL HAS JUST FROZEN OVER._

_The bell RINGS, signifying the start of classes._

HARRY:  
Crud, I have to go... I’ll see you later! 

DOUGIE:  
Yeah, see you then!!

_Harry turns around on the heel of his MONSTER BOOTS and disappears off down the corridor, black trench coat flapping out behind him mysteriously._

_Dougie smiles, holding the piece of paper with Harry’s address on it between two fingers. Troy (who’s been pretty much FORGOTTEN BY ALL up till this point) looks VERY PISSED OFF._

TROY:  
You’re not seriously going to go, are you?

DOUGIE:  
Why the hell not? Harry’s pretty cool.

TROY:  
Wha -?! You mean... you LIKE him?!

DOUGIE:  
[ _Staring at Troy as if he’s an IDIOT_ ] The word ‘duh’ springs to mind.

TROY:  
But – but – but you can’t!! 

DOUGIE:  
I don’t quite think you can tell me that... Look Troy, chill out, ‘K? I like Harry – you’re not going to stop being my friend because of this, are you? Or is this another of those ‘thou shalt not let the social cliques mix’ rules?

TROY:  
Well, it’s not so much that as a complete perversion of nature, but whatever. Listen, if you’re not going over to Judd’s till 6, do you want to come watch basketball training? 

DOUGIE:  
What, with you?

TROY:  
[ _Suddenly looking a bit uncomfortable_ ] Well, I’d be playing...

DOUGIE:  
So... what’s the benefit for me with this? 

_Troy shrugs and tries to brush it off._

TROY:  
Hey, forget it. I just thought it might be a nice thing for friends to do, you know? Come along and cheer each other on and all...

DOUGIE:  
OK, OK, I’ll come!! I’m not really in much of a position to pass up on new friends, am I? What time does it end at?

TROY:  
5:45. Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time. Anyway, we’ve got to get to class!

_Troy leads Dougie off down the corridor with a very UNTRUSTWORTHY SMIRK on his face._

 

**SCENE TEN**  
 _It’s afterhours at Seuwper Wreakords High. We’re in the indoor basketball court and training is in full session. TROY is slam dunkin’ and running about with the team..._

_... and he also seems to be singing something about “getting his head in the game”._

_DOUGIE is sitting on the benches by the side, looking absolutely BORED OUT OF HIS SKULL. He’s starting to learn to ignore it when people burst into song. He looks up at the giant clock over the main doors._

_5:43pm._

_He looks back at the training. It’s got to be ending soon._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] Just keep your head in the game, uh,  
Just keep your head in the game,  
And don’t be afraid to shoot the outside, Jay,  
Uh,  
Just get your head in the game.

DOUGIE:  
Why the hell is he calling himself ‘Jay’?!

_Dougie looks back at the clock._

_5:45pm._

_He claps his hands and gets ready to leave._

COACH BOLTON:  
Alright team, hold it!!

_The music fades. The team stops singing. Dougie looks hopeful._

COACH BOLTON:  
Alright, take five!

_Troy grins and jogs over to where Dougie is sitting. He’s all icky and sweaty (Troy, not Dougie) although we notice something VERY ODD about him as he comes closer –_

_Troy doesn’t have any hair on his legs. Or in his armpits._

_Dougie appears to have noticed this weird thing too, judging by the expression on his face. He looks around Troy to the rest of the team, who are still standing on the court, laughing and talking – they’re all prepubescenty hairless too... and considering that they’re all supposed to be 16 years old (but look WAY OLDER), this is slightly disturbing._

TROY:  
So, what you think?

DOUGIE:  
Of you?

TROY:  
Yeah!

_Dougie closes his eyes and chants something that sounds like “I need friends, I need friends”. Then, he opens his eyes and smiles._

DOUGIE:  
You’re great!! And I loved the singing too!

TROY:  
Oh... you heard that? I... I don’t know how else to express myself... sometimes it helps to sing... you know? Work on my concentration and all that...

DOUGIE:  
Yeah yeah, great – so can I go yet? I’m going to be late –

COACH BOLTON:  
Troy!!! Breaks over! Get back here and get your head in the game!!

_Troy immediately runs back to the court to Coach Bolton, a.k.a. HIS FATHER. Coach Bolton blows a whistle and the team start chucking basketballs at each other, dodging and ducking and dipping and diving and ... dodging._

_Dougie looks desperately back at the clock._

_5:50pm._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Muttering to himself_ ] Screw this.

_He gets up and heads towards the door._

COACH BOLTON:  
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

_Dougie FREEZES, one hand on the door. He slowly turns around, aware that the entire basketball team are staring at him._

COACH BOLTON:  
How DARE you try and LEAVE!!! NO ONE leaves the hall until I say so!!

DOUGIE:  
But I have an elsewhere to be!!

COACH BOLTON:  
WHAAAT??? DID YOU NOT HEAR ME, BOY??? NO ONE LEAVES THE HALL UNTIL I SAY SO!!

_As he yells, Dougie’s hair and clothes are blown around in a MASSIVE WIND. Dougie suddenly looks so very much smaller than usual._

_Troy has a very SMUG SMIRK on his face._

 

**SCENE ELEVEN**  
 _HARRY is sitting in his room on the bed. His room is pretty much as we expected – black walls, black carpets, some scary satanic writing on the wall in red (paint). Candles are burning on various surfaces – except they’re all pink and sparkly, like the kind you’d give a five-year old girl. Very out of place._

_Harry has headphones on, several CD’s spread on the (black) duvet around him with various titles such as “LEARN TO SING IN THREE EASY STEPS!”, “PRACTICE SINGING!” and “UNLEASH THE SINGER IN YOU!”_

_He clears his throat nervously._

HARRY:  
[ _Singing VERY BADLY_ ] Doh ray far so la te far me doh me – doh – ray – ray – shit shit shit shit!!!!

_He pulls the headphones out his ears and throws the CD player across the room. It SMASHES against the wall._

_There’s a pause as Harry stares at the pieces of broken plastic._

HARRY:  
MUUUUM... I need a new CD player!!

HARRY’S MUM:  
[ _From somewhere else in the house_ ] Not again!!!

_Scowling, Harry looks over to the clock._

_6:13pm._

_This makes him scowl even more. Dougie’s late._

_We have a MONTAGE. Tense, jazzy, montage music starts._

_Harry is LISTENING to some ANGRY MUSIC, lying on his back on his bed. He glances at the clock._

_6:27pm._

_Harry is dusting his bookshelves. He picks up a skull he’s got displayed and a GIANT SPIDER crawls out the eye-socket. He SCREAMS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL and drops the skull. Thankfully, it’s plastic, so it doesn’t break. The spider SCURRIES OFF UNDER THE BOOKCASE. Harry jumps on the bed, absolutely terrified. As he does, he looks at the clock._

_6:30pm._

_Harry is still standing on his bed, biting his black nails nervously. He looks at the clock._

_6:42pm._

_Harry takes a deep breath, still on the bed. Then, he LEAPS OFF THE BED and lands by the door, scrabbling through it. We see the clock._

_6:48pm._

_Harry’s head reappears around the door, looking around his room. Then, he kicks the door open, revealing in his hands THE VACUUM CLEANER. He points the nozzle in the direction of the bookcase and turns it on._

_As he does, he looks at the clock._

_6:51pm._

_Harry is looking triumphant as he turns off the vacuum cleaner. He stands up from where he’s been crouching on the floor and pulls the nozzle out from under the bookcase. He glances at the clock._

_6:47pm._

_Harry, pissed off, whacks his clock with the Hoover nozzle. It smashes and beeps faintly._

_Montage music fades out as Harry looks at the destruction in his room._

HARRY:  
MUUUUM... I need a new alarm clock!

 

**SCENE TWELVE**  
 _HARRY is standing outside a fairly nice-looking house. His black hair is standing up at all angles because he’s been running his fingers through it impatiently and at the edges of his face, his white face-paint is running slightly._

_He knocks on the door._

_After a few minutes, a GIRL answers. Harry is momentarily taken aback – she’s the EXACT IMAGE of DOUGIE._

HARRY:  
Err... hi. Is Dougie in?

GIRL:  
No... who are you? 

HARRY:  
I’m Harry Judd... and you are?

GIRL:  
Jazzie... I’m Dougie’s little sister. He’s not in at the moment.

_She SLAMS THE DOOR in Harry’s face._

_Harry stands there for a few minutes, stunned._

_Then he rings the doorbell again. The door opens._

JAZZIE:  
Oh, it’s you again. What do you want?

HARRY:  
Do you know where Dougie is?

JAZZIE:  
No... do you?

HARRY:  
No, that’s why I’m asking you! That’s why I bloody came round here!

JAZZIE:  
How do you know where Dougie lives anyway? We only just moved here yesterday – I doubt Dougie’s learn the address off by heart yet.

HARRY:  
I – I’m not too sure... We’re in a musical, for God’s sake! Don’t go questioning stupid things like that!!

_Jazzie SLAMS THE DOOR in Harry’s face again._

_Harry starts HAMMERING ON THE DOOR._

_It swings open again._

_Harry is about to start yelling when he realises that someone else has answered this time. It’s an older woman who’s also THE EXACT IMAGE of Dougie._

HARRY:  
WAAAH!! CREEPY!!! 

WOMAN:  
... can I help you?

_She says this as politely as you can when you find a black-clad lunatic in a trench coat trying to break down your front door._

_How to make a good first impression on the boy you like’s family, Part One_

HARRY:  
Uh... hi. You must be Dougie’s mum... I’m looking for Dougie.

DOUGIE’S MUM:  
Ahh... he said something about going to watch his friend Troy practice basketball and then he was going over to Harry’s house.

_Something is SLOTTING INTO PLACE in Harry’s head._

HARRY:  
WHAT??! That sneaky son of a **@ &%*£ %$&£!@ $&£!?#%** and **% &£@!! &%^£”@#£**, he **£ &$@&%£!!&£!@** lobster **$ &£!?#%**!!!!!!! 

_How to make a good first impression on the boy you like’s family, Part Two._

DOUGIE’S MUM:  
... What’s your name, dear?

HARRY:  
Wha – Oh, sorry. It’s Troy, Troy Bolton. 

DOUGIE’S MUM:  
[ _Forced politeness_ ] Ahh... Well... if you didn’t mind... I’d appreciate it if you didn’t spend too much time with my son, Troy. I’ll be having some words with him about his choice of friends...

HARRY:  
Yeah, sorry. I have a few mental problems... you know what though? That Harry Judd’s a brilliant guy to know. Seriously, he’s the best person your son could be friends with.

_Dougie’s Mum clearly thinks Harry – or rather, TROY – is barking mad._

HARRY:  
Don’t worry, I’m going now... Nice to meet you, Mrs Poynter. 

_He turns to leave. Dougie’s Mum watches him go, waiting to shut the door once he’s out of sight. As he’s walking across the lawn, a thought occurs to him._

HARRY:  
[ _Turning around_ ] I’d also like to state for the record that I, Troy Bolton, still wet the bed.

 

**SCENE THIRTEEN**  
 _HARRY is back at school, sneaking around the grounds. With his coat, he looks more like an OVERGROWN BAT flapping around._

_He heads over to the indoor basketball court, where the doors are shut but light is coming out from inside. As quietly as he can, Harry places his fingers on the window sill and risks peering over the top._

_Sure enough, basketball training is still in session. We see TROY passing the ball around, skipping and jumping like a pillock._

HARRY:  
[ _Muttering_ ] Dear God, don’t these guys need to SLEEP?! How long have they been practising for?!

_Harry suddenly spots DOUGIE. He’s sitting on the benches by the side, as still as a statue with the face of a TRAUMA VICTIM. Harry immediately knows what’s happened – Coach Bolton is NOTORIOUS for his strict ‘no one leaves until it’s over’ rules._

_Harry sinks back down the door, looking murderous._

HARRY:  
That little rat **%$@#%!** Troy Bolton!! He’ll pay for this, I swear!! 

 

**SCENE FOURTEEN**  
 _It’s the next day at Seuwper Wreakords High. HARRY is at his locker, LIL CHRIS standing next to him. The latter is chattering excitedly about something, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that Harry seems to be in a WORSE MOOD than usual._

LIL CHRIS:  
... and apparently, that’s why we’re not allowed to masturbate in the kitchens anymore. 

_Harry grunts._

LIL CHRIS:  
Oh my God, did you hear?

HARRY:  
What?

LIL CHRIS:  
Apparently, someone slashed Troy Bolton’s car tyres!! And also, someone stabbed all the basketballs in the indoor court!

HARRY:  
Really? How... unusual. 

LIL CHRIS:  
Yeah, there’s rumours going round that it might have been the same person.

_As Harry gets a book out his locker, a GIANT KNIFE he has hidden at the back is revealed._

HARRY:  
Really? I wonder what gave people that idea?

LIL CHRIS:  
I dunno... maybe because they’re both knife crimes? 

_He idly glances at the knife in Harry’s locker, but doesn’t make the connection._

HARRY:  
Hmm... a mystery indeed.

_He slams his locker shut._

LIL CHRIS:  
It’s OK though – Mr Fletcher’s checking over the CCTV right now to see who did it.

_Harry DROPS HIS BOOKS._

HARRY:  
... CCTV? We actually HAVE that here?!!

LIL CHRIS:  
Well, sort of. Mr Fletcher mainly installed it to capture all the spontaneous songs and dances so that they wouldn’t be lost forever and when you leave the school, you get a DVD with all your performances on it... but I think it also serves as CCTV sometimes too. 

HARRY:  
...

_Without another word, Harry turns around and BOLTS._

LIL CHRIS:  
Hey!! Harry!! Where are you going?!! We’ve got class!! 

_Harry’s beyond hearing. He’s running as fast as he can down the corridor – students are literally THROWING THEMSELVES out his path._

 

**SCENE FIFTEEN**  
 _A PRETTY GIRL with long blond hair, dressed in pink, punky clothes, is walking down a deserted corridor. Tears are streaming down her cheeks as sad, ballad music plays in the background._

PRETTY GIRL:  
[ _Singing_ ] You were my star, my moon, my sun,  
Without you my life’s no fun.  
My world doesn’t work,  
I’m filled with hurt,  
My life is empty – AHHH!!!!

_She screams because HARRY’S just come SPRINTING around the corner and has CRASHED INTO HER. They both go flying to the floor. The music ABRUPTLY ends – well, nothing kills the mood more than a goth running into you._

HARRY:  
Shit, shit, sorry!! Are you OK?

_He stands up and holds a hand out to the girl to help her to her feet._

_She remains on the floor, staring at Harry, ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED._

PRETTY GIRL:  
[ _whimpers_ ] Please don’t hurt me.

HARRY:  
Oh, for f – I’m not going to hurt you!! I’m trying to help you up!

PRETTY GIRL:  
[ _Suddenly fine_ ] Oh! Well that’s a completely different story then!! 

_She accepts HARRY’S hand and he pulls her to her feet. In the background, students have started to mill back into the corridor, having heard the song end. They are looking at Harry and the girl half-curious, half-apprehensive._

HARRY:  
Errr... sorry for interrupting your song. 

PRETTY GIRL:  
Oh, that fine!! I’m over it now anyway – I just needed to sing it out, you know? There are just some things –

HARRY:  
[ _Interrupting_ ] Look, not trying to be rude, but I was sort of running for my life, so if you’re alright, I’m going to be going, OK?

PRETTY GIRL:  
OK!! Good luck!

HARRY:  
Thanks, I’ll need it. 

_He’s about to take off running down the corridor again, but stops at the sight of Mr. FLETCHER standing at the end of the hallway._

HARRY:  
Aw, crud.

Mr. FLETCHER:  
Harry Judd, my office – NOW!!

_He puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder (slightly difficult, as Harry’s boots make him about half a foot taller) and leads him away down the corridor. The students STARE BLATENTLY at this._

 

**SCENE SIXTEEN**  
 _We’re in Mr. FLETCHER’S office. HARRY is sitting on the chair in front of the desk with a bored look of indifference on his face. This actually means he’s shitting himself (NOT literally). Mr FLETCHER is pacing._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Well, Harry... is there anything you’d like to tell me?

HARRY:  
Erm... no?

Mr FLETCHER:  
Are you sure?

HARRY:  
Erm... no?

Mr FLETCHER:  
Oh Harry... 

_He sighs and sits down heavily at his desk._

Mr FLETCHER:  
What are we going to do with you? I mean, look at your school life resume. Whilst your grades are very impressive, you never participate in any extra -curricular activities –

HARRY:  
Mr. Fletcher, I’ve told you before – I can’t sing. 

Mr FLETCHER:  
I know... it’s very unfortunate. However, this attack on Mr Bolton’s car cannot go unnoticed...

_Harry braces himself for the punishment._

Mr FLETCHER:  
... so, as punishment, I’m going to have you sign up for the school musical.

HARRY:  
WHAT???

_It’s WORSE than he expected._

Mr FLETCHER:  
You do not need to try out for one of the main parts – God forbid, in fact, we all remember what happened the last time you tried to sing – however, you will need to take a role that will have you as an active participant. Are we clear? 

HARRY:  
I – I – I- couldn’t you just call the police and give me some criminal damages charge?!

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Laughing nicely_ ] And what good would that do? No no, Harry, this is better. And hey, you might even enjoy the experience!

_Even Mr Fletcher withers slightly under Harry’s infamous GLARE._

 

**SCENE SEVENTEEN**  
 _It is lunchtime. HARRY is sitting at his usual table with LIL CHRIS. He spots DOUGIE come in with TROY. They are deep in conversation. Harry attempts to WAVE at Dougie to get his attention, but Dougie doesn’t see him and goes straight to sit with Troy instead._

HARRY:  
Damnit!! 

LIL CHRIS:  
Mate, you’ve got bigger problems than him – what the hell are you going to do about the musical?!

HARRY:  
I don’t know... I was planning on fire-bombing the drama department at the end as a grand finale. 

LIL CHRIS:  
Be serious. 

HARRY:  
[ _Darkly_ ] I was. 

LIL CHRIS:  
Annywwaay... I managed to get a hold of a copy of the play and I’ve made a list of all the possible characters you could audition for.

_He hands a list over to Harry, who studies it for a few seconds._

HARRY:  
This is a blank piece of paper.

LIL CHRIS:  
I know – there isn’t a single role in there that doesn’t require singing. 

HARRY:  
How the hell does that help me?!

LIL CHRIS:  
It doesn’t!

HARRY:  
... Remind me why I’m friends with you. 

LIL CHRIS:  
Because I’m cute and short –

_Harry immediately looks over to OTHER cute and short person he’d rather be with._

LIL CHRIS:  
[ _Continuing_ ] – and because I’m the only person in the school who doesn’t flinch in fear every time you talk to them. 

HARRY:  
SIGH. Fine. So what do I do about this?

LIL CHRIS:  
Well, because I’m brilliant, I did have one idea...

 

**SCENE EIGHTEEN**  
 _It’s the end of the day. It’s time for the MUSICAL SIGN-UP AUDITIONS. Several students are there in the drama hall, sitting in the seats and chatting excitedly. Dr JONES is there, prancing about like a PRAT. Mr FLETCHER is also there, making notes. Dr Jones catches his eye and smiles at him. Mr Fletcher blushes slightly and looks away. HMMM..._

_HARRY is sitting in a chair at the very back, trying to sink down as low as possible into it. TROY is standing at the door, hiding behind some cleaning equipment. He doesn’t see DOUGIE sneak up behind him._

DOUGIE:  
What are you doing?!

TROY:  
[ _Jumping about a foot into the air_ ] AHH!!!

DOUGIE:  
I repeat – what are you doing here? I thought you said you couldn’t sign up because of your friends?

TROY:  
Well, I thought about what you said... and it really inspired me, Dugs. You inspire me. 

_Dougie has one eyebrow raised in a ‘what the hell are you smoking’ look._

TROY:  
Anyway, I was thinking of auditioning.

DOUGIE:  
Great! You can accompany me! I wanted to go for the lead, but for some reason, you have to be in a pair to do so!!

TROY:  
The pairs are meant to be of one boy and girl though...

DOUGIE:  
Yeah, but I was gonna go for the girl part anyway – I’d like to find ANY girl in this school who can hit the high notes like me!

_They are interrupted by Dr Jones at the other end of the auditorium._

Dr JONES:  
Fab-u-lous!! So many of you showed up!! Right, let’s get started!!

_We see some of the other auditions. Nearly EVERY student seems to be a professional singer and/or dancer. Harry looks MISERABLE._

Dr JONES:  
Well, that’s all... [ _He checks his list_ ] Oh wait, we have three more names down – Troy Bolton, Dougie Poynter and Harry Judd!!

_There is some confused murmuring around the hall by the remaining students._

Dr JONES:  
And because we’re running out of time, all three of you will have to audition together!!

_Troy and Harry look HORRIFIED. Dougie is already skipping down the isle to the stage._

DOUGIE:  
Come on!!

_With a heavy sigh, Harry and Troy follow him, walking up onto the stage. The people in the audience eye them suspiciously._

Dr JONES:  
Well well well! This IS a surprise! Troy Bolton and Harry Judd!

HARRY:  
Yeah, I’m not here by choice – listen, I was wondering if it’d be possible for me to just be the drummer in the band. That’s all I’m here for, so... can I do that?

DOUGIE:  
[ _Surprised_ ] You play drums? 

HARRY:  
Yeah, a mate taught me. 

Dr JONES:  
Yes, yes, I’m sure we can rewrite the play to have you in it!

HARRY:  
What?! NO!! I just wanted to be in the orchestra!!

Dr JONES:  
But you’ve come along to the auditions! Clearly you want to be on stage! 

HARRY:  
That’s debatable...

Dr JONES:  
Well, it’s settled! Harry, you will be given the soon-to-be-written role of “THE DRUMMER!!” Now, Dougie and Troy, what roles will you be auditioning for?

DOUGIE:  
I wanted the lead girl.

TROY:  
And I was hoping for the lead boy.

Dr JONES:  
OK, well, hopefully you have an audition song prepared, so please, go on... Harry, would you like to play drums in the background? 

HARRY:  
Do I have to?

Dr JONES:  
YES.

_Harry goes and sits at the drum kit, which is conveniently already set up on the stage. He starts tapping out a beat and mouths ‘good luck’ to Dougie. Troy looks hopefully towards Harry, who sees this and mouths ‘drop dead’._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] I lived inside my own head for years,  
Surrounded by my dreams and fears,  
I never knew what I was missing until the day I found yooou...

_Troy recognises this song. It’s the one him and Dougie sung together in Scene Two. He smiles._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] I didn’t want help and to be,  
I didn’t want company.  
But when I found you I realised what I’d been withoooouutt...

_Harry suddenly speeds up the tempo._

TROY and DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing very quickly_ ] YeahyouopenedupmyeyesTookmebysurpriseMademefeelathomeAndnowIamnotalone.

Dr JONES:  
[ _Clapping_ ] Bravo!! Amazing!! You’ve got the parts!! OK, everyone, that’s it, go home!!

_Dr Jones swirls out the hall, Mr Fletcher following quickly behind. There is a silence, and then the CONFUSED MUTTERING starts amongst the students. Troy is still standing on stage, looking a bit stunned. He turns around to speak to Dougie, but, once again, HE’S GONE._

_And this time, SO HAS HARRY._

TROY:  
Not again!!

 

**SCENE NINETEEN**  
 _Harry and Dougie are hiding backstage, enjoying the darkness._

DOUGIE:  
What was all that about?!

HARRY:  
What was what?

DOUGIE:  
You speeding up the song!

HARRY:  
Oh, that... well, I just didn’t have to want to watch you and Troy go all ga-ga eyed at each other again as you sung some mushy, romantic song to each other.

DOUGIE:  
You’re quite the angry thing, aren’t you?

HARRY:  
Hush!!

DOUGIE:  
I think it’s quite cute how jealous you get of Troy... You know, he’s got nothing on you.

_Even white face-paint can’t hide Harry’s blush this time – he’s gone a nice rosy-pink, which makes us wonder how red he really is._

_Meanwhile, Dougie is moving in closer to Harry, wrapping his arms around the goth and pulling him towards him._

HARRY:  
You know, if you’re playing the romantic lead, you’re going to have to do a lot of intimate scenes with that prat. 

DOUGIE:  
You don’t like that, do you?

HARRY:  
I don’t like how he’s trying to take you away from me. 

DOUGIE:  
Maybe we can convince Dr Jones to re-write the ending... have the female lead decide to run off with the hot drummer instead.

HARRY:  
Hmm... I like that idea... it might just make this whole ordeal a bit more bearable...

_Harry has twined his arms around Dougie’s waist now, leaning in so that their foreheads are touching._

DOUGIE:  
Anything to help, really... what else could make it more bearable?

HARRY:  
What else? I think you already know...

 

**SCENE TWENTY**  
 _TROY is still on stage, looking around for DOUGIE. The other students have left._

TROY:  
Dougie?? Hello??! We need to practice our songs together!! Doouugggiiee!!

_Suddenly, Dougie RUNS back onstage from the wings, HARRY following closely behind. Troy’s eyes narrow – Dougie’s got BLACK LIPSTICK SMEARED OVER HIS MOUTH._

TROY:  
[ _Suspiciously_ ] What were you doing?

DOUGIE:  
We were talking. 

HARRY:  
About the musical. 

TROY:  
... right. 

DOUGIE:  
Ooo shoot!! Is that the time?! I have to get home!! I’ll see you guys tomorrow! Byyye!!

_He jumps off the stage and runs out the auditorium, leaving Troy and Harry alone. Troy glares at Harry._

TROY:  
I’m going to say this once;- Keep your hands off my property.

HARRY:  
Jesus Christ, it was just a car!! 

TROY:  
What???

HARRY:  
Err, I mean, as far as I knew, Dougie wasn’t anyone’s property! 

TROY:  
Listen Judd, stay out my way. I can make life very difficult for you here –

HARRY:  
What are you going to do?! Make me even MORE unpopular?!

_Troy looks like he’s going to say something, then realises that Harry’s got a point._

HARRY:  
Whatever, Bolton. I’ll see you in rehearsals. 

_Harry turns around on his heel and stalks off the stage, his black trench coat flapping out behind him. We see the triumphant smirk on his face – maybe this punishment won’t be as bad as we thought!_

_Troy looks FURIOUS._

 

**SCENE TWENTY ONE**  
 _Dr JONES is in Mr FLETCHER’S office. Mr Fletcher is standing at the window, his hands clasped behind his back, watching the sun set and the last students leave the school grounds. Dr Jones is lounging on the chair in front of the desk – the same one that we’ve seen DOUGIE and HARRY sitting in. Dr Jones has a LAZY look in his eyes as he slyly glances up at Mr Fletcher._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Well, Dr Jones, how goes the plans for the school play?

Dr JONES:  
Ahh, I love it when you call me that. It makes me feel all naughty...

_Mr Fletcher GRINS, still with his back to Dr Jones. However, when he turns around, his face is serious._

Mr FLETCHER:  
I’m surprised Troy Bolton auditioned.

Dr JONES:  
I’m not – he shows up every year at the auditions and spends the whole time hiding behind the scenery, trying to pluck up the courage to join in. 

Mr FLETCHER:  
And what are you going to do about Harry Judd?

Dr JONES:  
Write in some part for him. Obviously, we can’t let the boy sing, Lord knows that why we don’t let the students masturbate in the school kitchens anymore! 

_There’s an uncomfortable silence as both men WINCE at the memory._

Dr JONES:  
So... I presume you didn’t haul me in here for a little chit-chat...

_Mr Fletcher is LOOSENING HIS TIE and UNBUTTONING THE TOP BUTTON OF his shirt._

Mr FLETCHER:  
No... indeed, I did not.

_Dr Jones smirks. Mr Fletcher is walking SLOWLY and PURPOSEFULLY across the room._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Feigning innocence_ ] Oh? Well then, Mr Fletcher, what did you want to see me for?

_Mr Fletcher has now reached Dr Jones. Leaning over the back of the chair, he lightly places his fingertips on Dr Jones’ shoulders and lowers his head. Their lips are mere millimetres apart -_

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _ **SINGING**_ ] My dear man,  
I cannot hide,  
This feeling burning deep inside.  
And whenever I see you,  
There’s all these things I want to do...

_Dr Jones wraps his arms around Mr Fletcher’s neck, holding him in place. They’re still inches from kissing._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Singing_ ] My dear man,  
It’s all so real,  
I love the way you make me feel.  
I need to feel you deep in me,  
So lock the door and turn the key...

_There’s a moment of silence... and then they suddenly KISS HUNGRILY. As they do, high tempo pop music starts – think of the upbeat, happy, innocent tunes used in Disney musicals... and probably the MOST INNAPROPRIATE to use for this particular song!_

_Mr Fletcher is undoing the buttons on Dr Jones’s shirt._

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] My dear man,  
I’m horny right now.  
The things I’ll do if you will allow,  
Coz I’m hot to trot and warm for your form,  
And my hard-on’s being born...

_Mr Fletcher suddenly climbs over the back of the chair, sitting so he’s straddling Dr Jones. His shirt is now completely open and Mr Fletcher starts kissing his chest and neck as Dr Jones sings the next verse._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Singing_ ] My dear man,  
I think I see,  
Where this is going, and I agree.  
But you hesitate and I’m perplexed.  
Enough foreplay – let’s have sex!!

Dr JONES and Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] Do me! Screw me!  
Do me right now!  
I’m gasping and ready,  
So do me right now!  
Do me! Screw me!  
Do me right now!  
Fuck all the children  
And do me right now!

_Mr Fletcher and Dr Jones are kissing passionately again, the former still straddling the latter. Dr Jones is pulling Mr Fletcher’s jacket off his shoulders so aggressively that there’s the sound of material TEARING. They both ignore this._

_As all this is happening, a message flashes across the screen._

MESSAGE:  
“Fuck all the children” is used with meaning of “to ignore / disregard all the children” and not “let’s have sexual relationships with them.” This is not THAT kind of musical. 

_Mr Fletcher and Dr Jones are now shirtless. Mr Fletcher is ... occupied and so, doesn’t hear what Dr Jones is singing next._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Singing_ ] My dear man,  
It’s lonely hearts,  
Coz mines been ripped and torn apart (!)  
You only call me for a shag,  
But I don’t mind that I’ve been had.  
Oh, my dear man,  
I fucked up.  
I took a sip from a lover’s cup  
My true feelings for you, hidden above,  
But actually I fell in – OH!!

_He suddenly gasps as Mr Fletcher has put his hand down his trousers..._

Mr FLETCHER and Dr JONES:  
[ _Singing_ ] Do me! Screw me!  
Do me right now!  
I’m gasping and ready  
So do me right now!  
Do me! Screw me!  
Do me right now!  
Fuck all the children  
And do me right now!

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] So, on your knees  
And please don’t tease.

_As he sings this, Dr Jones has manoeuvred himself so that he’s now kneeling on the floor in front of Mr Fletcher. His head bobs down out of shot so we can’t see what he’s doing (although we can pretty much guess from Mr Fletcher’s facial expressions.)_

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] I want it all,  
I want to, I want to call – [ _Gasps_ ]  
Your name – Your – Uhh!!!

_He throws his head back, biting his lip, his eyes closed in ECSTASY. The music suddenly breaks down to a quick, quiet bassline._

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] I’m-a-gonna come –

Dr JONES:  
[ _Harmonising in the background – DON’T ASK how he’s doing this_ ] Ooo-ohh...

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] I’m-a-gonna come –

Dr JONES:  
[ _Singing_ ] Ooo-oohh...

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Singing_ ] I’M GONNA --!!

Dr JONES:  
AHHH!!! MY EYE!!!!!

**SCENE TWENTY TWO**  
 _It’s the first full rehearsal for the musical. All the students in it – including HARRY, LIL CHRIS, TROY and DOUGIE – are standing on the stage. DR JONES is standing in the audience area, explaining what the plot is (despite the fact that he already seems to have lost it)._

Dr JONES:  
It’s a very sweet, simple story. A young girl – played by Mr Poynter –

_There are some confused looks amongst the students._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Continuing_ ] - arrives at a new school. Whilst she’s there, she’s approached by the school’s resident bad boy –a rebel, rock drummer, played by Mr Judd –

_Several of the students raise an eyebrow at this._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Continuing_ ] – who she is mysteriously drawn to. However, he starts to lead her down a very dark path in life indeed, and eventually, she saved by the school’s lead, star basketball player – played by Mr Bolton. 

HARRY:  
[ _Muttering to Dougie_ ] Gee, I wonder where he gets such original ideas?!

Dr JONES:  
[ _Clapping his hands_ ] Alright, places everyone! Let’s have a read-through of the first scene!

_All the students open their scripts to the first page._

Dr JONES:  
Just skip the first song, let’s get down to the dialogue. Mr Poynter – 

_Dougie steps forward. He’s got a smudge of something BLACK on his cheek._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Reading from his script in a CREEPILY REALISTIC GIRLS VOICE_ ] Oh, I’m so lost and alone in this big, new school! Whatever shall I do?!

TROY:  
[ _Reading – VERY WOODEN_ ] Hi!! You look a bit lost! Can I help you?

DOUGIE:  
[ _Reading_ ] Oh!! Who are you?

TROY:  
[ _Reading_ ] My name is Zac, Zac Effron!

_Harry SNORTS, trying to hide his face in his script. Troy looks momentarily ANNOYED, but continues._

TROY:  
[ _Reading_ ] It’s a pleasure to meet you. 

DOUGIE:  
[ _Reading_ ] I’m Dougie, short for Douglass. Douglass Paynter... And yes, I am so very lost. 

_He POUTS._

HARRY:  
[ _Reading flatly_ ] Hey there, hot stuff. Fancy a ride on my motorbike?

DOUGIE:  
[ _Reading_ ] Oh, yes please!!!

_Dr Jones starts clapping enthusiastically._

Dr JONES:  
Wonderful!! Oh, such a perfect read-through from all of you!! You got into your character’s so perfectly!! 

LIL CHRIS:  
[ _Muttering to himself_ ] Not a difficult task...

_Harry raises his hand._

HARRY:  
Dr Jones, I’ve got a question – is this play supposed to be GOOD?

_Dr Jones IGNORES him._

Dr JONES:  
Alright, places people! Let’s try Dougie’s love song.

DOUGIE:  
Which one?

Dr JONES:  
The third one! Places!!

_The rest of the students mill off stage. Troy is GLARING at Harry._

Dr JONES:  
Aaaannnnddd... action!!

_Dougie and Harry stand centre-stage, a few feet apart, looking at their scripts._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Reading_ ] Wow, I love riding your motorbike! I get such a thrill!!

HARRY:  
[ _Reading_ ] It’s seeing the faces you pull while riding with me that make it worthwhile.

DOUGIE:  
[ _Reading_ ] I just can’t enough of it, with the engine vibrating – I have to grip with my thighs so tightly or else I’d fall off! It makes me completely breathless!!

TROY:  
Dr Jones, is he still talking about a motorbike??! 

_He looks PISSED. Harry smirks._

HARRY:  
[ _Looking at his script_ ] You know... my motorbike’s just _itching_ to give you another ride.

_Dougie giggles._

HARRY:  
[ _Continuing_ ] You’re right though – it’s the breathless, gasping thrill you get when you ride. You were holding onto me so tightly, my entire body was just tingling.

DOUGIE:  
And I was so hot and sweaty under your leather jacket... It stuck to my bare... hot... quivering... skin... 

_Dougie and Harry look like they’re getting quite breathless themselves._

Dr JONES:  
[ _Fanning himself_ ] Excellent improvisation, boys!! You’ve really captured the raw, sexual tension! 

_Troy looks like he’s just been force-fed RAT POISON._

_Dr Jones, meanwhile, has gone to the piano. He starts to play out a few “happy” notes. Harry goes over to a drum kit on stage and sits down._

HARRY:  
[ _Reading from the script – really, this time_ ] You know, kid, you’re not too shabby.

_He pulls out some drumsticks and begins tapping out a fast beat._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] It’s raining in the skies,  
Or are they tears in my eyes?  
Must have been a tidal wave  
That pushed me out into my grave  
It buried me deep down in the dirt.  
I felt the burn. I felt the hurt.

_He does a little twirl, attempting to improvise a dance. Somewhere, a FULL ORCHESTRA starts playing an upbeat, quick pace, 90’s movie theme style song._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] Can I have this dance?  
Can I be with you?  
I’m waiting on a sunny day  
So I can see the view.  
Take me away  
Let’s go some place.  
I’ll be with you for a world and a day  
When I see your face. 

_Harry stands up. The drum beat CONTINUES. (He’s miming.) He and Dougie try dancing... emphasis on TRY. Dougie is continually wincing as he sings – Harry keeps standing on his toes. His MONSTER GOTH BOOTS aren’t exactly built for grace and light-movements, and he’s shuffling awkwardly, very self-conscious that people are STARING._

_Dr Jones stops playing and stands up at the piano, waving his hands, looking like he’s also in pain._

Dr JONES:  
Stop, stop, stop!! Dougie, your singing was fine – Harry, your dancing was... well, it was God-awful! I want you two to practice on it before the next rehearsal, understood?! 

_Harry is blushing under his goth make-up. His entire body-language screams “I’ve just been SO humiliated.” The students are all laughing and giggling. Troy’s got an odd look on his face until he sees Dougie take Harry’s hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. Then he goes back to looking pissed off._

 

**SCENE TWENTY THREE**  
 _HARRY and DOUGIE are sitting on the school roof. Dougie is lounging back against one of those giant vent things as Harry stands near the edge, SCOWLING and SMOKING. The sun is setting, making the whole thing look very pretty, with colours of oranges, reds and golds._

DOUGIE:  
Are we allowed to be up here?

HARRY:  
Nope. 

DOUGIE:  
Fair enough. Are you alright?

HARRY:  
Nope. 

DOUGIE:  
Wassup?

HARRY:  
[ _Taking a drag on his cigarette_ ] I just... I really hate this **%$@#%** school.

DOUGIE:  
[ _Sympathetically_ ] You’re just not the “centre-stage-look-at-me-now” type. It’s not the end of the world. Besides, I did some research into this school’s students “after-school life" statistics.

HARRY:  
And?

DOUGIE:  
10% end up working on Broadway and 5% end up in bands. 

HARRY:  
What happens to the other 85%?

DOUGIE:  
The end up getting sectioned after bursting into song in public. 

_Harry looks slightly cheered up by this._

DOUGIE:  
So, you gonna jump or what?

HARRY:  
[ _Looking over the edge of the roof_ ] Nah, I’m waiting for Bolton. 

_Dougie grins, stands up, walks over to where Harry is standing and peers over the edge. Harry offers him the cigarette, which he accepts and takes a drag. Harry chuckles._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Wiping his mouth_ ] You know, maybe you should try wearing less of the lipstick – my mum keeps asking me what the “mysterious black stains” on my boxers are.

_Harry smiles, and then sees something down in the school yard below._

HARRY:  
Ah, there’s Bolton.

DOUGIE:  
What are you going to do?

HARRY:  
A classic – I like to call it “The Burning Rain.” It’s very easy – I simply spit over the edge of the building at him, like this –

_He spits._

HARRY:  
[ _Continuing_ ] – and then, as he looks up at the sky in confusion, wondering if it’s raining, I do this –

_He takes the cigarette off Dougie and flicks it over the edge of the roof. They watch it fall, and then, as we hear Troy SCREAM IN PAIN from down below, Harry and Dougie throw themselves back, hiding._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Impressed_ ] I think you got him in the eye.

HARRY:  
Ha, I’m never that lucky. I defo got him in the face though... Can’t believe he keeps falling for it. 

_Dougie laughs and stands up._

HARRY:  
Where you going?

DOUGIE:  
 **We’re** going to practice our scene. 

_He gives Harry a very CHARMING SMILE._

HARRY:  
Oh, come on, Doug!! I suck!! No amount of practice is going to change that.

DOUGIE:  
You don’t suck – you’re completely tone-deaf and can’t move for shit in those stupid boots, but you don’t suck! 

HARRY:  
I’m so glad I’ve got you to make me feel better. 

DOUGIE:  
Come on, get up!!

HARRY:  
Nooooooo...

DOUGIE:  
Please? 

_He kneels down in front of Harry, looking ADORABLE and PUPPY-EYED. Harry folds his arms and determinedly looks up at the sky._

HARRY:  
That’s not going to work on me, Dougie...

_Dougie leans forwards, suddenly with a WICKED GLEAM in his eyes. He rests his hands on Harry’s black-jeans-clad thighs, rubbing up them slowly._

_Harry, noticeably, GLUPS._

HARRY:  
Wha – what are you doing?

DOUGIE:  
I’m getting you up. 

_He leans in closer so that he’s nose to nose with Harry. His hands are travelling all over but he manages to distract Harry from this by kissing him._

_Suddenly -_

DOUGIE:  
[ _Triumphantly_ ] A-HA!! 

_He jumps up and has one of Harry’s MONSTER BOOTS in his hand. Harry’s mouth is open in shock, his lipstick smudged._

HARRY:  
You little klepto!! Give me that back!! 

DOUGIE:  
Hmm... Hannah Montana socks. Not QUITE what I’d put you down for wearing. 

HARRY:  
Shut up!! It was laundry day! 

_He gets to his feet and takes a step towards Dougie, who’s a few feet away from him, holding up the boot like it’s a trophy._

HARRY:  
You are SO going to regret that!! 

DOUGIE:  
[ _Grinning childishly_ ] Make me!

_He darts off to the other side of the roof, waving the shoe around. Harry tries to run after him – but he starts running around in a circle instead of a straight line._

HARRY:  
Damnit!!! My boot’s weighing me down!! I can’t run in this!

DOUGIE:  
I’m surprised you can ever WALK in these. This thing weighs a tonne. 

HARRY:  
Half a stone, actually.

DOUGIE:  
Come on Haz, you’re up now. Practice with me!! 

HARRY:  
[ _Rolling his eyes_ ] Fine, fine! Can I have my shoe back?

DOUGIE:  
Nope! These things are restricting your movements and anyway, I’d like the final performance to NOT involve me in a wheelchair. 

_Harry mutters something we can’t quite hear. It’s probably rude and would be censored anyway. He bends down and pulls off the other MONSTER GOTH BOOT. Without them, he’s shrunk slightly – he’s gone down about six inches._

HARRY:  
Happy now?!

DOUGIE:  
Take off the coat too – I don’t need that flapping about as well!

_Harry’s looking MURDEROUS. However, he shrugs out of his trench coat without any verbal protest. Dougie looks amused – what he doesn’t realise is that he’s the first person to give Harry orders about his clothes and LIVED TO TELL THE TALE._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Satisfied_ ] Much better... Now, come here. 

HARRY:  
[ _Muttering_ ] Any other orders? Should I take off my t-shirt as well?!

_Dougie RAISES AN EYEBROW suggestively. Harry laughs and walks over to Dougie. Even without the boots on, he’s still taller. He puts one hand on Dougie’s waist as Dougie puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry takes Dougie’s other hand in the typical ‘dance’ pose._

DOUGIE:  
OK, ready? And – 

_He takes a deep breath._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] It’s raining in the skies,  
Or are they tears in my eyes?

_It’s the same song as before – except Dougie’s singing it acapella and A LOT slower, turning it into a ballad. He smiles at Harry, who is looking at his feet, trying to count the beat._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] Must have been a tidal wave  
That pushed me out into my grave  
It buried me deep down in the dirt.  
I felt the burn. I felt the hurt.  
[ _Spoken_ ] And two, three, four –

_Harry takes a step. They start dancing a waltz... and it starts to rain heavily._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] Can I have this dance?  
Can I be with you?  
[ _Spoken quickly_ ] Eyes up, Harry! 

_Harry’s head immediately snaps up, meeting Dougie in the eye, water dripping off his eyelashes. Harry’s moving a lot better than before, even with water cascading down around them. He’s more relaxed without people watching and quicker on his feet without his boots weighing him down. They move across the roof, dancing perfectly through the rain and sunset._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] I’m waiting on a sunny day  
So I can see the view. 

_Harry grins and holds out his arm, twirling Dougie around, and then pulls him back in, never missing a beat._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] Take me away  
Let’s go some place.  
I’ll be with you for a world and a day  
When I see your face. 

_Harry holds Dougie’s body close and leans him down, ending the song nose to nose in the rain. There’s a pause as they both stare into each other’s eyes and then Dougie wraps his arms around Harry and kisses him gently._

DOUGIE:  
See? You might not be able to sing, but you can dance. 

HARRY:  
You’re really bad for my reputation, you know that? 

_He smiles and then kisses Dougie again. Dougie ignores that Harry’s make-up is completely running everywhere he now looks like a Bunny-Boiler-Clown._

 

**SCENE TWENTY FOUR**  
 _It’s the next day, in the canteen. It’s very crowded, filled with hungry students talking and enjoying their lunch. HARRY and DOUGIE are sitting together at a table with LIL CHRIS, the three of them chatting and laughing. Harry is back in full Goth get-up with his trench coat, black lipstick and MONSTER GOTH BOOTS._

_TROY is sitting at his table with his fellow JOCKS, glaring at this. He’s got a nasty-looking burn above his right eye._

TROY:  
Man, that’s not right. 

CHAD (a fellow Jock and the token black-guy):  
What’s not right?

TROY:  
Harry Judd!! And Dougie Poynter!! The two of them together!! And that weird little kid who likes to tag along with Harry!! And with how Harry’s been acting lately... 

BRAD (another generic fellow Jock):  
I know! Who knew that the Goth could actually be happy?!

_The Jocks all look over to Harry’s table – Harry has an arm slung casually over Dougie’s shoulder and he’s smiling as Lil Chris explains something._

TROY:  
I’ve said it before... it’s not right. Something needs to be done about it... and fast. 

_He stands up and makes like he’s going to walk to Harry’s table – but then spins around and drops gracefully into an empty seat at the cheerleader’s table._

TROY:  
[ _Nodding confidently_ ] Wassup, ladies? 

_The CHEERLEADERS all giggle and flutter their eyelashes at Troy. The noises in the background are forming a beat._

_Harry looks up in ALARM._

_Troy suddenly STANDS UP on the table. The cheerleaders all look up at him adoringly._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] Ladies, gentlemen, my team, my school,  
It has come to my attention.  
Something’s changed, something’s wrong,  
Someone’s in need of a detention.

LIL CHRIS:  
Harry, why is he looking in our direction??

DOUGIE:  
Harry, this doesn’t sound good...

HARRY:  
I know, I know!! Quick, get up, before – 

_A spotlight suddenly appears on Harry, Dougie and Lil Chris._

HARRY:  
... **%$@!#**.

_Troy is suddenly POINTING at Harry. Everyone is staring at them._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] So have you seen what freak’s crawled out  
From behind his make-up and black-black clothes?  
He should have stayed where he belonged,  
Alone in the dark with only his woes. 

_A cheerleader stands up and kisses Troy on the cheek._

CHEERLEADER:  
[ _Singing_ ] Thank God you’ve spoken,  
I was starting to fear  
That this behaviour would be accepted,  
But now it’s clear. 

_All the cheerleaders stand up._

CHEERLEADERS:  
[ _Singing_ ] We’ll fight this down!  
We’re with you Troy!  
We’ll fight this problem,  
Take it down and destroy!! 

_Lil Chris and Dougie are standing behind Harry as he holds them back protectively. The rest of the canteen have all stood up now and are starting to crowd in around the three with MALICE in their eyes as they sing. Troy is leading the students._

STUDENTS:  
[ _Singing_ ] Gotta make a change,  
Gotta stand and fight!  
Gonna force this on you,  
Because we’re right! 

_As they sing this, they have some RATHER VIOLENT HAND GESTURES to go with it. Some of the students have got PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES. Harry, Dougie and Lil’ Chris have been backed into a corner, Harry still standing protectively in front of his friends (although that could be because he’s simply the tallest and so, the most effective as a guard – after all, neither Dougie or Lil’ Chris are particularly effective when it comes to being INTIMIDATING)._

DOUGIE:  
[ _In a hoarse whisper_ ] I thought musicals were supposed to be happy and friendly!! I didn’t think it involved angry mobs!! 

HARRY:  
What did you think would happen?! All the negative emotions usually get suppressed in favour of happiness and depressed heart-ache, and then end up coming out in the form of an angry mob!!

DOUGIE:  
... Mr Fletcher NEVER said anything about this in the school prospectus.

LIL CHRIS:  
Can we please not discuss this now?! I think the more pressing concern is that we’re about to get torn to shreds in a stylised, musical death!!

_The mob are getting CLOSER. Violins are playing ANGRY, DRAMATIC music._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] Take down time, you’ve gone too far.  
You’ll never win, you’re out of line.  
You shouldn’t have come here,  
He was always mine. 

_As he sings this, he reaches out and gives Dougie a SHOVE._

_Suddenly, Harry pops up in front of him._

HARRY:  
 **BIG MISTAKE, BOLTON.**

_And then, Harry PUNCHES HIM._

_The music abruptly STOPS with the sound of an old record player needle ripping off. The students halt, staring in horror at Troy, who is on the floor, clutching his jaw in disbelief. However, before he has a chance to get up, Harry JUMPS ON HIM with a DEATH SCREAM._

HARRY:  
AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!

_He starts PUMMELLING Troy._

HARRY:  
NEVER – TOUCH – MY – BOYFRIEND – AGAIN!!!!! 

_All the anger and rage has gone out of the students. They’re all now standing around, watching Troy get THE SHIT BEATEN OUT OF HIM by an angry Goth. No one particularly wants to step in – they’ve always been afraid of Harry, but no one’s EVER seen him completely lose it like this before. This is years of suppressed resentment coming out._

_Dougie nudges a nearby ASIAN DORK in the side._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Proudly_ ] I’m sleeping with him. 

 

**SCENE TWENTY FOUR**  
 _HARRY is back in Mr. FLETCHER’S office. He’s sitting in the usual chair as Mr Fletcher speaks on the phone. This time, Harry looks a lot more relaxed than before, although he’s wincing as he flexes his right hand – he injured it in his attack on Troy. However, other than that, he’s in perfect condition._

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Speaking on the phone_ ] Yes... Yes... No... Oh... Yes... I see... I understand... No, I promise... it’s all sorted... Don’t worry, I will sort this out...

_Harry raises an eyebrow._

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Continuing_ ] Yes... no... Yes, Mummy, I will... OK, I’ll be home later... Love you... 

_He hangs up._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Right, Harry... Now, would you like to tell me what happened? 

HARRY:  
Well, Troy Bolton had assembled an angry mob who were about to tear us into pieces via the medium of song and dance, like the one in Beauty and the Beast. 

_Mr Fletcher smiles._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Ahh, I love that film.

HARRY:  
Yeah, me too.

_Mr Fletcher suddenly remembers why Harry's there, frowns and rubs his forehead._

Mr FLETCHER:  
And where did ‘beating Troy within an inch of his life’ come into it?

HARRY:  
He tried to hurt my boyfriend. 

Mr FLETCHER:  
I’ve looked over the security tapes – Mr Bolton never touched Christopher-

HARRY:  
Not Lil Chris!! Dougie!!! Dougie Poynter is my boyfriend!!! 

_Mr Fletcher blinks._

Mr FLETCHER:  
... Well... that... that explains a few things. However... this attack... combined with your behaviour of late... they must be taken into consideration.

_Harry wipes some blood off his hand on his t-shirt. (Obviously, it’s not HIS blood.)_

Mr FLETCHER:  
Harry, I have to ask – are you unhappy here, at Seuwper Wreakords High? 

_Harry opens his mouth to answer with his usual sarcasm, when he stops and falls silent._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Well? 

HARRY:  
[ _Slowly_ ] I... I used to be. But... but things have got better. 

_Mr Fletcher smiles at this._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Excellent answer. However, as inspiring as I find that, I’m afraid I cannot leave this attack on Mr Bolton unpunished... 

_Harry winces in anticipation. What now?_

Mr FLETCHER:  
... so I’m going to have to sign you up for some therapy sessions.

HARRY:  
WHAT???

_It’s WORSE than he expected._

Mr FLETCHER:  
Clearly, Harry, you have some issues that are not being addressed, and seeing as you cannot express yourself in a manner similar to the other students – by way of song and dance – you leave me with no choice but to put you in a week’s worth of therapy sessions, starting immediately. 

_Harry is silent for a few minutes with his mouth open in horror._

HARRY:  
Seriously, what’s wrong with a good ol’ suspension and detention?! I’ll take those happily!

Mr FLETCHER:  
[ _Laughing kindly_ ] Oh Harry, we’re not here to PUNISH... we’re here to INSPIRE. 

_Harry looks like he’s just been told he’s got a week to live and he’s got to spend it singing AQUA._

 

**SCENE TWENTY FIVE**  
 _HARRY and DOUGIE are back on the roof. Harry is sitting on the edge as Dougie leans against the funnel again. Sad, acoustic guitar music is playing in the background._

HARRY:  
... so I’m being sent away for a week to get therapy. 

DOUGIE:  
This place is gonna suck without you. 

HARRY:  
Yeah.

DOUGIE:  
... Thank you, by the way.

HARRY:  
What for?

DOUGIE:  
Standing up for me and beating the shit out of Bolton. 

_He pauses._

DOUGIE:  
Did you hear what he sung?

HARRY:  
Yeah, about how you were his.

DOUGIE:  
I... I don’t think that’s what he meant.

HARRY:  
What?

DOUGIE:  
His exact words were “you shouldn’t have come here / he was always mine” and then he shoved me. 

_There’s a moment of silence as this sinks in._

DOUGIE:  
I don’t think Troy’s ever been after me. 

_Harry SNORTS._

HARRY:  
Doug, he’s hardly going to be lusting after ME. I’ve known the guy for five years – he hardly even looks at me and always went out of his way to make sure no one would ever speak to me!

_Dougie doesn’t look convinced._

HARRY:  
Look, he was probably just singing something that would fit – come on, it’s not easy to do the whole “spontaneous song” thing. 

DOUGIE:  
I guess... 

_Harry looks over the edge of the roof and suddenly scowls._

HARRY:  
They’re here for me... I suppose I should go...

DOUGIE:  
Yeah...

_Harry gets up with a heavy sigh and starts to walk towards the door –_

_Suddenly, Dougie jumps up and KISSES HIM._

DOUGIE:  
I’m gonna miss you.

HARRY:  
I’ll miss you too.

_He’s suddenly clinging to Dougie like he’s his last life support. They stay hugging tightly for a few minutes._

_They are interrupted by someone politely coughing behind them. It’s LIL CHRIS._

LIL CHRIS:  
Hey... sorry to interrupt, but they want Harry downstairs now. 

_Harry gives another heavy sigh and pulls himself away from Dougie._

HARRY:  
Alright, alright, I’m coming. 

DOUGIE:  
I’ll stay here – wave you off in style. 

 

**SCENE TWENTY SIX**  
 _HARRY and LIL CHRIS are walking down the GENERIC CORRIDOR._

LIL CHRIS:  
You alright?

HARRY:  
Yeah... look, Chris, can you do me a favour? 

LIL CHRIS:  
Sure! What?

HARRY:  
I need you to look after Dougie for me... 

 

**SCENE TWENTY SEVEN**  
 _The sad guitar music is still playing. HARRY and LIL CHRIS walk outside the school, where Mr FLETCHER is standing with TWO OTHER PEOPLE in formal suits. They all smile at Harry, giving him the kind of looks that are supposed to reassure someone who’s being LOCKED UP IN THE LOONEY BIN FOR A WEEK._

_Harry GLARES at them._

_Suddenly, one of the people in a formal suit wipes her forehead, like she’s just felt a rain drop. She looks up at the sky in confusion, when suddenly she screams and clutches her face, like she’s been BURNT._

_Harry grins. He looks up at the roof of the school, but Dougie’s already hidden himself. Instead, Harry gives Lil Chris a pat on the shoulder and a MEANINGFUL LOOK, to which Lil Chris nods in understanding._

_And then, Harry is led away by the two people in suits, the woman still clutching her cheek in pain, and they get into the waiting black car. The car drives away, leaving Lil Chris and Mr Fletcher standing by the side of the road..._

_... and on the roof, Dougie is standing up. He watches the car drive away._

_Fade out to black._

 

**SCENE TWENTY EIGHT**  
 _A message fades in on screen._

MESSAGE:  
One Week Later...

_The scene fades in. DOUGIE and LIL CHRIS are sitting in the canteen. Dougie checks his watch._

DOUGIE:  
It’s almost time. 

LIL CHRIS:  
Yeah... I wonder how the whole therapy thing worked for him? 

DOUGIE:  
I bet he’s still the same. I can’t wait to see how Troy reacts to seeing him again.

LIL CHRIS:  
I bet he’s absolutely shitting himself. 

_They GRIN and look across the room, to where TROY is sitting at his usual table with the JOCKS – he’s still got a neck-brace on, not to mention both eyes blackened, his nose is broken, one arm’s in a sling and he’s in a WHEELCHAIR._

DOUGIE:  
Excellent. 

_His watch suddenly BEEPS._

DOUGIE:  
Oh my God, it’s time!!

_He jumps to his feet, and as he does, the doors to the canteen suddenly DRAMATICALLY OPEN. Everyone goes quiet._

_Exciting, teen-movie music starts to play and then footsteps, and then..._

_Someone walks into the canteen._

_We start at the feet. Red Converse All Stars._

_Going up, we see blue, nicely fitted jeans that aren’t too tight but not stupidly baggy either. A pair of DRUMSTICKS stick out of one pocket._

_Then we get to a red and white stripy t-shirt, with a Seuwper Wreakords High football jacket slung casually over one shoulder._

_Then the face and hair. Long, layered blond hair that’s straightened perfectly in a sweeping, side-fringe. Not a single trace of make-up on a remarkably good-looking face of a boy who looks like he’s spent his entire life at public school._

_Dougie looks at him in confusion... and then his mouth drops in what can only be described as COMPLETE AND UTTER HORROR._

DOUGIE:  
 **HARRY??!**

STUDENTS:  
[ _COLLECTIVE GASP_ ]

_Sure enough, it’s HARRY JUDD... as a NORMAL PERSON. He smiles in a devastatingly good-looking way and flicks his hair out his face, looking around the canteen happily._

DOUGIE:  
... This is bad. This is **very** bad. 

_DOUGIE is staring in HORROR at the all-new HARRY JUDD. And he’s not the only one. The ENTIRE STUDENT POPULATION can’t quite accept it either._

_Slowly, Dougie approaches Harry._

DOUGIE:  
Harry?

HARRY:  
[ _BIG SMILE_ ] THERE you are!! I was wondering when I’d find you!! 

_He throws his arms around Dougie in a MASSIVE HUG._

_Dougie remains FROZEN._

_When Harry pulls away, he smiles at Dougie curiously._

HARRY:  
What?

DOUGIE:  
What did they DO to you?!!

HARRY:  
[ _Laughing merrily_ ] Oh you know, the usual! I had group therapy sessions where we all sat in a circle and sung Kum-by-ya, and then team-building, not to mention the wonderful individual counselling sessions and electro-shock treatment and sessions in Room 101 and then on the last night, the entire group went on a camping trip! It was super fun, Dougie, I do wish you could have been there!!

DOUGIE’S FACIAL EXPRESSION:  
D: 

HARRY:  
Well? Aren’t you glad to see me? 

DOUGIE:  
I – I – I – 

_He changes the subject._

DOUGIE:  
Don’t you feel self-conscious? You know, like how you usually do when people are staring at you?

HARRY:  
Oh, don’t be silly!! My therapist told me that the reason why I dressed in all that ghastly gothic make-up and acted so hostile to the world was because I was terrified of being judged by everyone. So, I started to accept myself a bit more and now, here I am, centre of attention and loving it!!

_He waves at TROY, who has also been staring indiscreetly. Troy’s face suddenly BLUSHES under the bruises._

DOUGIE:  
But – but – but – but – _no_!!!!

HARRY:  
You sound like you’re in shock!

_He gives Dougie a DEVISTATINGLY GOOD-LOOKING SMILE. Dougie, meanwhile, is trying to make some sense of it all._

DOUGIE:  
But – I mean – how – why – are – are you – are you still Harry?

HARRY:  
[ _Laughs_ ] Well, aren't you a dopey Dora? Of course I am! I’m Harry Mark Christopher Judd, same as I’ve always been!

DOUGIE:  
You told me your full name was Harry Black-Nightmare Judd. 

_Harry suddenly looks EMBARRASSED. Meanwhile, LIL CHRIS, sensing danger, has joined them._

HARRY:  
Ah yes... well, everyone goes through some silly emo phase in their lives.

DOUGIE’S FACIAL EXPRESSION:  
 **D:**

LIL CHRIS:  
"EMO"!?!?

HARRY:  
Christopher!! 

_He throws his arms around Lil Chris, also in a MASSIVE HUG._

LIL CHRIS:  
Ahhhh!!! You’re TOUCHING ME!!!

_Harry giggles._

_Yes._

_GIGGLES._

HARRY:  
I’m so super thrilled to be back though! You have no idea how much I missed this place! 

_Music is forming._

STUDENTS:  
[ _Chanting collectively_ ] It’s time. It’s time. It’s time. It’s time.

_Dougie suddenly looks RELIEVED. Of course! A musical number!! This’ll prove that Harry’s still the same – after all, no amount of shock-treatment can remove a deep-set loathing of musicals. And anyway, Harry might look different, but he still can’t sing._

DOUGIE:  
Harry, quick!! We need to get out of here!

_Harry looks at Dougie peculiarly._

HARRY:  
Why?

_Dougie’s already halfway to the door when he realises what Harry’s said._

DOUGIE:  
What?!?

STUDENTS:  
[ _Chanting and getting louder_ ] It’s time. It’s time. It’s time. It’s time.

HARRY:  
Why should we run? 

DOUGIE:  
Because you’ll have to SING if you stay!!

HARRY:  
Well... maybe I should. 

LIL CHRIS and DOUGIE:  
WHAT?!!

HARRY:  
After all, I’ve been through some rather nasty things of late. 

_He steps back into the students, who all immediately crowd around him, still chanting._

HARRY:  
And when I was in therapy, I had a lot of time to think about my attitude. 

_He looks at Troy._

STUDENTS:  
[ _Chanting_ ] It’s time. It’s time. It’s time. It’s time.

TROY:  
What did you learn? 

_But before Harry can say anything, the crowd of students SWALLOWS HIM UP as they form a circle. Dougie and Lil Chris are standing against the wall, not involved, but watching in horror. Generic, Broadway musical music is playing._

STUDENTS:  
[ _Singing powerfully and inspirationally_ ] It’s time!  
To shine!  
It’s the night!  
To fight!  
It’s gonna be the best day of our lives!  
It’s the day we’ll feel alive!  
It’s time to shine and the night to fight!!

_Lil Chris has his hand over his mouth, but it looks like he’s SINGING ALONG. Still, it is a pretty catchy tune. Dougie doesn’t see this._

_Troy is suddenly lifted above the heads of the students, WHEELCHAIR AND ALL._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] It’s the time to welcome back into our group,  
The one we missed.  
We’ve fought the battle,  
Saved the world,  
And won the girl.

DOUGIE:  
[ _Yelling across the room_ ] You NEVER got the girl, you knob!! 

_Troy disappears back down into the circle of students. Harry’s still stuck somewhere in the middle of them and we can’t see him._

STUDENTS:  
[ _Singing_ ] It’s time!  
To shine!  
It’s the night!  
To fight!  
It’s gonna be the best day of our lives!  
It’s the day we’ll feel alive!  
It’s time to shine and the night to fight!!

_Suddenly, the students lift up a new figure out the centre of the circle. Tall and good-looking, he stands up straight and proud on the hands that hold him up, his arms outstretched and a triumphant grin on his face._

HARRY:  
[ _SINGING_ ] It’s my time!  
To shine!  
It’s my night!  
To fight!  
It’s gonna be the best day of my life!  
It’s the day I’m finally alive!  
It’s my time to shine, my night to fight!  
I’ll shine!!

_Dougie physically JERKS in shock. Harry can SING. He’s got a BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL ALTO VOICE that rings out above all the other joyful voices of the students as he carries on the last note for about ten seconds. The music fades out and all that’s left his Harry’s voice, the voice of an angel._

_When the song ends, there’s a moment as the students continue to hold Harry above their heads. Some of the girls (and jocks) are CRYING HAPPILY. Then, they let him down carefully, excitedly talking._

VARIOUS STUDENTS:  
Oh my God! Harry that was amazing! You’re incredible! 

_Harry stands in the middle of the group, as if he’s always been born to be the centre of attention. Even Troy is tugging on Harry’s jeans, desperately trying to get his attention._

DOUGIE’S FACIAL EXPRESSION:  
 **D:**

 

**SCENE TWENTY NINE**  
 _DOUGIE is sitting on the roof, smoking and scowling. LIL CHRIS stands behind him._

LIL CHRIS:  
[ _Timidly_ ] Dougie?

DOUGIE:  
... I really **$@!#%** hate this school.

 

**SCENE THIRTY**  
 _It’s much later. HARRY is walking down a street, whistling casually. He reaches DOUGIE’S house and takes a deep breath._

HARRY:  
OK Judd, you can do this...

_He goes up the path and knocks on the door._

VOICE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR:  
Who is it?

HARRY:  
It’s Harry Judd... Dougie’s boyfriend.

VOICE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR:  
Oh God, it’s you.

_There’s a long silence._

HARRY:  
Hello?

VOICE:  
Yes?

HARRY:  
Are you going to let me in or not?

VOICE:  
Fine... I suppose I should.

_The door opens._

HARRY:  
AHH!!! 

_JAZZIE, Dougie’s little sister and complete DOPPELGANGER, has answered the door. She looks confused._

JAZZIE:  
Hang on... I thought you were a Goth?

HARRY:  
Yeah, I was... what are you staring at?

_Jazzie has suddenly gone very pink and in playing with a strand of her hair._

JAZZIE:  
[ _Coyly_ ] You know –

HARRY:  
DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE. 

_Ahhh, there it is! Old, angry Goth!Harry!_

_However, as soon as Jazzie RUNS AWAY SCREAMING, it vanishes and he gets control of his feelings._

DOUGIE:  
Harry?

_DOUGIE is standing at the top of the stairs, drawn by the sound of SCREAMING._

DOUGIE:  
What are you doing here? 

HARRY:  
I came to see you. You ran off as soon as school ended, I barely saw you!

DOUGIE:  
Gee, you noticed that, huh?!

HARRY:  
What’s wrong?

_Dougie starts to storm down the stairs._

DOUGIE:  
What’s wrong with ME?! What’s wrong with YOU!?!? 

HARRY:  
Huh?!

DOUGIE:  
You’re all... WRONG!! You’re acting exactly like you’ve just escaped out of High School Musical!!

HARRY:  
Well, you know that they say the whole world’s a stage...

DOUGIE:  
[ _Coldly_ ] The saying is ‘all the world’s a stage,’ you fool.

HARRY:  
What’s that got to do with anything anyway?! 

DOUGIE:  
Everything!! This is meant to be REAL LIFE, Harry!! What on earth did they do to you that made you give up EVERYTHING you are?!

_Harry looks like he’s struggling internally with something._

HARRY:  
[ _Eventually, with forced calmness_ ] It’s... it’s not easy. But... it makes things so much easier to be like this. **I can do everything I need to do without any problems.**

_He says this with odd emphasis. Dougie completely MISSES IT._

DOUGIE:  
But you’re going against everything you stand for!! And what the hell is going on with you and Bolton?! You’re acting like you’re best friends or something now!

HARRY:  
Dougie, it’s really not like that. Really. But **I have to do this for a while. I need to see if I can do it.**

_Again with the odd emphasis._

_Again with Dougie completely missing it._

DOUGIE:  
It makes no sense, and it’s such a bloody cliché!! The unpopular, ugly person –

HARRY:  
HEY!

DOUGIE:  
\- gets a makeover and suddenly everyone realises they’re hot and becomes their friend!! It’s so stupid and shallow!! I don’t get what on earth could have convinced you to do -

_Harry suddenly GRABS DOUGIE BY THE ARMS and PINS HIM against the nearest wall. Their faces are inches apart._

HARRY:  
Dougie, I love you. 

DOUGIE:  
[ _TINY voice_ ] What? 

HARRY:  
I love you. But I can’t do what I’ve got to do if you’re constantly guilt-tripping me about this change. Surely it doesn’t matter what I look like?

DOUGIE:  
But you’re not the same anymore.

HARRY:  
I am. I’m still me.

DOUGIE:  
Here, maybe. When it’s just me and you. But when you’re around everyone else, you become that perfect boyband-like Harry. 

HARRY:  
... I can’t do anything else. 

DOUGIE:  
Be yourself.

HARRY:  
I can’t do that anymore. 

_Dougie worms his way out of Harry’s grip._

DOUGIE:  
Then I guess we won’t work anymore. 

_SAD MUSIC starts playing._

DOUGIE:  
MUM, STOP THAT!!

_Dougie’s MUM pokes her head around the corner and smiles sheepishly._

DOUGIE’S MUM:  
Sorry, I thought it was fitting. Oh, and Dougie, your dinner’s nearly ready. 

_The music STOPS._

HARRY:  
... I guess that’s it then.

DOUGIE:  
Yeah. I guess it is.

_Harry turns to leave._

HARRY:  
Dougie, I want you to know one thing though – It was all for you. 

DOUGIE:  
What?

_Harry suddenly has a VERY big smirk on his face._

HARRY:  
You’ll see. 

 

**SCENE THIRTY-ONE**  
 _HARRY is walking away from Dougie’s house, looking SAD._

_Suddenly, we hear the sound of footsteps behind him, like someone SMALL AND BLOND is running after him desperately._

_He grins and turns around._

HARRY:  
I knew you wouldn’t – AHHH!!!

_He suddenly realises it’s JAZZIE running after him._

JAZZIE:  
I don’t care if you’re gay and just been dumped by my brother!! You’re PRETTY!!!

HARRY:  
AHHH!!!

_He’s starts running as FAST AS HE CAN._

_Jazzie continues to chase him into the night._

JAZZIE:  
Stoooopp!!!! Wait for meeeeeeee!!!

 

**SCENE THIRTY-TWO**  
 _HARRY has run back to Sewuper Wreakords High. It’s late at night and the school is deserted as he wanders through the darkened generic corridor._

HARRY:  
Huh. You’d think they’d lock this place up better at night.

_As he walks, he sees a giant picture of TROY and the rest of the basketball team in a display cabinet. It’s a mid-shot photo during a game – Troy’s shooting a slam-dunk as the crowd, which is probably the entire school, looks on adoringly._

HARRY:  
Hang on... when the hell was I at this game?!

_He looks closer at the photo – sure enough, in full GOTH GET-UP is Harry in the crowd, scowling._

HARRY:  
Oh my God... they photoshopped in the crowd!! 

_He scowls and storms off down the corridor. Suddenly, ELECTRIC GUITARS kick in with lots of distortion and feedback with ANGRY, POWER chords._

HARRY:  
I’ve fought this place too long,  
I’m so tired. Can’t go on.  
I’ve pushed against the walls,  
Tried to break the mold,  
But it’s got me nowhere  
And now I just don’t care.

_He’s singing, but it’s not the same beautiful voice we heard earlier. He’s more speaking his words rhythmically to fit the music. Maybe he’s shy – afterall, this is his FIRST SOLO SPONTANIOUS SONG. As he “sings,” he’s running down the corridor, punching lockers, throwing himself against walls and stylistically rolling off them, incorporating dance moves into it all._

HARRY:  
So I’ve gave up, thrown in the towel.  
It’s unjust but no one’s cried foul.  
And now it’s so easy but you’re not there,  
I’m so confused, nothing’s clear.

_He runs up the MAIN SCHOOL STAIRCASE, jumping them two at a time. As he reaches the landing and chorus, he goes into a proper routine, dancing – and he’s actually fucking amazing. There’s a reason why he wears his MONSTER GOTH BOOTS – it’s to weigh himself down so he can’t join in with the spontaneous songs!_

HARRY:  
Without you, what do I do?  
Can’t choose, can’t move.  
What you wanted – what I needed.  
The two don’t go. I can’t say no.

_He slides down the banister and lands back in the corridor of lockers. He throws himself against one as the music continues –_

_He abruptly realises the music’s CHANGING as he moves down the corridor. The guitars are being phased out by the sounds of a 70’s keyboard. Harry stops dancing and looks confused._

HARRY:  
What the -?

_Curiously, he ventures further down the corridor. The music gets stronger – now it sounds more like DODGY 70’S PORN._

_Harry looks up at what room he’s outside. There’s a sign on the door that says “SCHOOL KITCHENS.”_

HARRY:  
Huh?

_He pushes open the door a crack to see what’s going on. We don’t see what he sees, but we hear from inside the kitchen -_

MR FLETCHER’S VOICE:  
[ _Singing_ ] I love it when I call your name,  
The sound drives me insane.

DR JONES’ VOICE:  
[ _Singing_ ] I love it how you’ve got such class,  
And how cute you look when I do you up the –

_Harry SLAMS THE DOOR. He looks TRAUMATISED._

HARRY:  
I shouldn’t be on school property after hours anyway.

_He QUICKLY LEAVES._

 

**SCENE THIRTY THREE**  
 _It’s the next day. HARRY is outside the school, standing in the middle of an ADORING CROWD OF STUDENTS who all want to be his best friend, now that he’s no longer a Goth. TROY is amongst them, still in a WHEELCHAIR._

HARRY:  
... and so that’s why we’re not supposed to masturbate in the school kitchens anymore. 

_Suddenly, DOUGIE walks past him with LIL CHRIS. Harry raises his hand in a half wave. Dougie firmly IGNORES him and walks on, Lil Chris shooting an apologetic look at Harry as he follows after Dougie. Harry sighs and looks over to some BLACK STUDENTS who are standing outside the school building in a separate crowd of their own, fulfilling the typical stereotype of ‘Cool Black Kids who like to dance and listen to generic R’n’B.’ The music they’re listening to suddenly gets louder – sure enough, it’s generic R’n’B._

_Because there hasn’t been any in this film so far, the next montage that follows has the R’n’B music playing over it. See, we cater for everyone here!_

_So, the MONTAGE!_

_We see several shots of Dougie ignoring Harry. There’s a shot of rehearsals for the musical – we see Dougie and Harry’s scenes together. Dougie has a blank look on his face throughout and delivers his lines flatly, with no emotion._

_Next shot:- Harry is in the CANTEEN with Troy and crowd of adoring students. As Harry is about to take a mouthful of his food, he suddenly sees Dr JONES and MR FLETCHER walk in, smiling and acting all coupley. Harry looks down at his food, to Dr Jones and Mr Fletcher, and then to the school kitchens. He clamps a hand over his mouth and SPRINTS OUT THE CANTEEN as fast as he can._

_Next shot:- Harry is pushing Troy along his wheelchair. They are in the school grounds with the usual crowd of ADORING STUDENTS around them. Standing a few feet away under a tree, Dougie is watching. Suddenly, Troy motions for Harry to stop... and then he stands up out the chair and takes a few shaking steps unaided. It’s a beautiful moment – everyone around them is crying happily. Harry forces a BIG SMILE on his face. Troy beams at Harry, and then blushes._

_Harry catches Dougie’s eye and clearly mouths “Oh God.” Dougie SMILES, and then realises what he’s doing and storms off._

 

**SCENE THIRTY FOUR**  
 _HARRY is at HIS HOUSE, sitting on a sofa. He sighs and looks at his phone, where he’s highlighted ‘DOUGIE’. His finger hovers over the ‘call’ button -_

DOORBELL:  
Ding dong!!

_Harry looks up EAGERLY. Could it be?? He runs to the front door and throws it open -_

HARRY:  
DOUGI – Oh. What are you doing here?

_It’s TROY._

TROY:  
[ _Brightly_ ] Hi, Harry!

HARRY:  
What do you want?

TROY:  
[ _Blushing – no one is SUBTLE in this film_ ] Well, seeing as it’s the play tomorrow, I was wondering if you’d like to run through our lines.

HARRY:  
We don’t actually say anything together. 

TROY:  
But there are scenes I’m in where you’re in the background! We could go through those!

HARRY:  
... Troy, why are you REALLY here?

_Troy TAKES A DEEP BREATH. Oh God. This can’t be good._

TROY:  
Look, Harry... I need to tell you something. See, I’ve spent so long doing what everyone expected of me that I never did what I wanted to do.

HARRY:  
You seem to have managed OK.

TROY:  
Well yes, but there’s something more... Harry, I’ll come out and say it. I’m in love with you and I’ve been in love with you since I first met you!!

_Harry’s mouth drops open..._

_And then he falls backwards, FAINTING HEAVILY to the floor with a loud CRASH._

 

**SCENE THIRTY FIVE**  
 _We’re in HARRY’S KITCHEN. Harry is now conscious, clutching an ice-pack to his head as he sits at the table with TROY. Troy looks sheepish and Harry is still quite pale._

HARRY:  
OK, so run this past me once more – you... you LIKE me?!

TROY:  
Yes!! I’ve been trying to tell you for so long now, but I just couldn’t find the words.

HARRY:  
What about Dougie?!

TROY:  
Oh my God, I’ve been so ANGRY at him! I was trying to break you two up so I could have YOU! It was never him!!

HARRY:  
... seriously? 

TROY:  
Harry, I know this seems so out the blue, but I have to follow my heart!

HARRY:  
Did you have to follow it here?!

TROY:  
Please, listen to me – I can’t be without you anymore! And I know you love me – all that anger and resentment you’ve been throwing my way over the years was clearly just repressed sexual tension.

HARRY:  
... 

TROY:  
And anyway, I was thinking that seeing as you’re all popular and hot and it’s socially acceptable to be seen with you now, I can be open about my feelings and we can start going out!

HARRY:  
... 

TROY:  
So, what do you think? Do you wanna go out for a date after the play tomorrow?

HARRY:  
Troy, I don’t quite think you’ll want to go on a date with me after the show –

TROY:  
Oh, don’t be silly! Nothing could change my mind about you now!! And I’ll completely forgive you for that minor blip where you dated that runt, Dougie! Now that we’re going out, it’s ok!! We’re allowed to make mistakes! I’ll forgive you for it all!

HARRY:  
...

TROY:  
Well? 

HARRY:  
OK... if I haven’t made you cry before the play ends tomorrow, I’ll go out on a date with you. 

TROY:  
Really?!! AWESOME!!

_He’s completely MISSED the loophole in Harry’s agreement._

TROY:  
Oh Harry, this is fantastic!! I love you so much!! Oh... oh my!! I feel a song coming on!! I have to go and dance about this in the street!!

_He jumps up and kisses Harry on the cheek before running out the house, SINGING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS._

_Harry remains sitting at the kitchen table. He looks up at the ceiling._

HARRY:  
This is karma paying me back for all the times I wanked off in his sandwiches, isn’t it?

 

**SCENE THIRTY SIX**  
 _IT’S THE MUSICAL!! We’re BACKSTAGE, about an hour before curtains up. Students are milling about everywhere. Some are SINGING, but we’re not sure if they’re practising or if it’s uncontrolled emotion bursting out._

_HARRY walks through the students, dressed in his costume as a HELL’S ANGEL (only without the pot-belly and really scaggy facial hair). He spies DOUGIE sitting at a table, putting on his stage make-up._

HARRY:  
Hey.

DOUGIE:  
Hey.

HARRY:  
Sooo... you nervous about going on stage?

DOUGIE:  
Nope.

HARRY:  
Really?

DOUGIE:  
I just can’t wait for this to be over so I don’t have to speak to you again.

_OUCH._

HARRY:  
Look, Dougie, I need to tell you something.

DOUGIE:  
What?

_There’s a pause._

DOUGIE:  
Well?

HARRY:  
Huh. Normally when you say that, something interrupts you and stops you from saying it.

DOUGIE:  
... hey, that DOES happen! Why do you think that is?

HARRY:  
Dunno. Cleche-ridden drama? 

DOUGIE:  
Suppose so...

HARRY:  
Anyway!! I was planning on waiting until after the show was over to tell you this but I can’t wait anymore! And things are just getting out of control now, what with Troy liking me and –

DOUGIE:  
TROY LIKING YOU???

HARRY:  
... didn’t I tell you? He asked me out last night.

DOUGIE:  
That GIT!! I’m going to kill him!! 

HARRY:  
That’s a bit violent.

DOUGIE:  
Says the boy who nearly beat him into a permanent wheelchair. You didn’t say yes, did you?!

HARRY:  
Not in so many words... I said I’d go out with him if I hadn’t made him cry before the play was over.

DOUGIE:  
Easily solved.

_He leans back in his chair and shouts at TROY, who’s just walking past them._

DOUGIE:  
OI!! BOLTON!! YOUR MUM’S FAT AND WEARS A WIG!!!

_Troy BURSTS INTO TEARS and runs away._

HARRY:  
It doesn’t count if YOU make him cry... and why do you care anyway? You dumped me, remember?

DOUGIE:  
[ _Suddenly going red_ ] ... **%$!£#$** off, Judd. 

_He turns back in his chair and starts applying his stage make-up. Harry SIGHS and storms off._

HARRY:  
Men!! Honestly, I bet women don’t give you HALF as much trouble!!

 

**SCENE THIRTY SEVEN**  
 _In the SCHOOL AUDITORIUM. The AUDIENCE have arrived and are sitting down, chatting generally as they wait for the play to start. Amongst them are Mr FLETCHER, DOUGIE’S MUM, JAZZIE, and TROY’s PARENTS. Jazzie looks like she’d rather not be there._

_DR JONES walks on stage._

Dr JONES:  
Ladies and gentlemen, proud parents, bribed friends and miscellaneous extras - Welcome to our High School Musical!!

_The OVERTURE starts. Dr Jones quickly ducks off stage and into the orchestra, where he’s conducting. The CURTAINS RISE to reveal the dimly-lit STUDENTS running around and scampering around on stage. The lights suddenly TURN UP FULL BLAST to reveal they’re all wearing school uniforms, which is the first time we’ve seen ANYONE wear one in this entire film. (LIL CHRIS is amongst them – he’s always stuck in the CHORUS when it comes to these things.)_

STUDENTS:  
[ _Singing and dancing_ ] New Boy!!  
We’ve got a New Boy!!  
Where’s he from? What’s he like?  
Is it love at first sight?  
New Boy!!  
We’ve got a New Boy!  
What’s his name? Is he OK?  
Is he from far away?

_As they dance, they suddenly PART and a figure runs onstage, centre, from the back – it’s DOUGIE. He’s dressed oddly though – he too is in a school uniform, but he looks like a TOTAL DORK, complete with thick glasses. He blinks furiously and looks around, clutching his school bag to his chest, looking lost and scared._

JAZZIE:  
Was he really like that on his first day?! Loser!!

_Out of the dancing students comes another figure – dressed in his WILDCATS BASKETBALL UNIFORM, it’s TROY BOLTON. The music suddenly changes tempo, tune and key._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] It’s time!  
To shine!  
It’s the night!  
To fight!  
It’s gonna be the best day of our lives!  
It’s the day we’ll feel alive!  
It’s time to shine and the night to fight!!

_He dances over to Dougie and gently stokes the side of Dougie’s face. TROY leans in, looking like he’s about to KISS HIM –_

_Annnd the music changes again._

TROY:  
Oh Dougie...  
[ _Singing_ ] D-D-D-Do me! Screw me!  
Do me right now!  
I’m gasping and ready,  
So do me right now!

_The audience looks SHOCKED._

TROY’S MUM:  
That’s not very PG-rated!! 

_Dr Jones SMIRKS as he shoots a sly glance at a BLUSHING Mr Fletcher._

TROY:  
[ _Singing_ ] So please, do me! Screw me!  
Do me -

HARRY:  
NOT SO FAST!!

_Suddenly, all the lights GO OUT, plunging the entire auditorium into DARKNESS. Dr Jones smiles happily – this is all supposed to happen._

_Backup lights illuminate the outline of a figure standing on stage in a rock-star pose, as all the students back to the sides of the stage._

DOUGIE:  
[ _With his usual over-enthusiasm_ ] Who’s that?!

TROY:  
[ _Woodenly, as usual_ ] Oh no! It’s Harry Judd, our resident –

_The lights suddenly come back on._

TROY:  
\- GOTH??!

_The music abruptly STOPS._

STUDENTS:  
*GASP*

AUDIENCE:  
*GASP*

LIL CHRIS:  
[ _BIG grin_ ] PERFECT!! 

Dr JONES:  
... that’s NOT supposed to happen.

_HARRY is standing in the spotlight, not in the expected Hell’s Angel outfit but back in FULL GOTH-GET UP – black hair, black lipstick and eyeliner with white facepaint, his leather trench coat and, of course, his MONSTER GOTH BOOTS._

HARRY:  
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and morons. 

_He shoots a look at Troy as he says that last one, before continuing to address the ENRAPTURED AUDIENCE._

HARRY:  
I regret to inform you that there has been a slight change of plans to the musical of tonight. Instead of performing a tale in which everyone is happy and all is right with the world, I’d like to tell you a few home truths. 

_He steps forwards to the front of the stage. The students are backing away, looking terrified. Troy tries to hide behind Dougie._

DOUGIE:  
Get off me!! 

_He KICKS TROY IN THE SHINS and pushes him in front of him._

HARRY:  
First of all, the world is not the wonderful place that you try to pretend it is. It’s a horrible place, where every man is out for himself. However, don’t think that I don’t understand why people sing – it’s a way of trying to make yourself feel better. But here’s the problem – you can’t FORCE people to be happy, in the same way that you can’t force YOURSELF to be happy, and no amount of upbeat singing is going to cure that. 

_He gives Mr Fletcher a MASSIVE GLARE as he says this. Mr Fletcher seems to wither in his seat slightly._

HARRY:  
So, what’s the alternative? Well, I’ll tell you a little story. It’s about this Gothic kid who couldn’t sing when people tried to make him. After fighting the system for so long, he eventually realised that the best way to fight it was to let it think it had won.

_As he’s speaking, Lil Chris is edging his way to where Dougie is standing behind Troy. He grabs Dougie’s arm and gestures with a nod that Dougie needs to MOVE. Dougie looks confused... until he realises that Troy is unknowingly standing near a GIANT ‘X’ on the floor._

HARRY:  
And for a while, all was well with the world. Everyone thought that the Goth had succumbed to the dangers of peer pressure, but then, as he revealed, it was actually all a show.

_It’s too much for Troy and he can’t hold back anymore._

TROY:  
But- but- but WHY?!

HARRY:  
Why? Well, there’s a message I was trying to convey to everyone. 

TROY:  
And what’s - 

HARRY:  
[ _Interrupting_ ] A little to the left.

TROY:  
Huh? Oh, sorry.

_He moves._

HARRY:  
Lil’ more...

TROY:  
Like this?

_He moves again. He’s now STANDING ON THE GIANT ‘X’._

HARRY:  
Perfect! Now, what were you saying?

TROY:  
Oh yeah – what was the message you were trying to convey?

HARRY:  
A very simple one – it’s for all the people who weren’t the most popular, who got picked on or ostracised at school for being different.

_The MAJORITY of the audience smile, as if to say ‘me!!’_

TROY:  
... and that is?

HARRY:  
This:- Doesn’t it feel SO GOOD when the popular kids finally get what’s coming to them?

_In one swift move, he reaches down, pulls a REMOTE CONTROL out of the heel of his MONSTER GOTH BOOT – well, why do you think they’re so big?! They’re handy storage systems! – and presses the BIG RED BUTTON on it._

_For a few seconds, nothing happens._

TENSION:  
It’s my time to shine!

_Then, there’s a very loud BANG and suddenly, GREEN SLIME DROPS DOWN ON TROY._

TROY:  
AHHH!!! MY HAIR!!!!

DOUGIE:  
 **YES!!**

_Everything seems frozen as the last of the slime drops on Troy in thick gloops. We can only just PRAY that Troy hasn’t been hiding any secret telekinetic powers from everyone._

_There’s a moment’s pause – and then the audience ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE. Harry grins and TAKES A BOW. He looks over to Dougie, who’s standing a safe distance away from the shocked, slime-glooped Troy, with Lil Chris. Dougie has a puzzled, thoughtful expression on his face._

HARRY:  
[ _Over the applause_ ] You alright, Doug?

DOUGIE:  
... Can we talk? Privately, I mean. 

_Harry nods and holds out his hand to Dougie. Dougie hesitates, and then takes it. Troy sees this and BURSTS INTO TEARS._

LIL CHRIS:  
Hey Harry, you’re off the hook!! 

_Harry laughs and then realises something. He quickly turns back to the audience, who are still applauding._

HARRY:  
I’d like to say a massive thank you to Lil Chris – I wouldn’t have been able to pull this off without his help. I’d also like to admit to miming when I was previously singing. The wonderful voice you all heard and loved actually belonged to Chris, who had a microphone hooked up to the school PA system in his sleeve!

STUDENTS:  
*GASPS*

_Suddenly, a lot of ADORING STUDENTS swarm around Lil Chris. Meanwhile, the music’s started up again – Dr Jones hastily signals to the orchestra to start playing THE LAST FINAL SONG._

STUDENTS:  
[ _Singing_ ] It’s our lives, let’s not waste it.  
We’ll remember these days so let’s enjoy it.  
Let’s sing a giant show-stopping tune  
That fills you with feel-goodness soon!  
High School Musical! It’s nothing like reality!  
It’s the daftest thing to hit mainstream  
But you’ve gotta love the happiness!

_Troy is also singing along, through the SLIME. He’s also partially SOBBING HYSTERICALLY. If he hadn’t been such a shallow, goody-two-shoes, douchebag, we might feel sorry for him. Lil Chris is singing happily along as well with BEAUTIFUL, POPULAR CHEERLEADERS surrounding him. Dr Jones is desperately conducting the band, praying that no one realises the entire grand musical only lasted EIGHT MINUTES. Mr Fletcher is sitting in the audience, completely stunned and not too sure what to make of things (as USUAL)._

_As the audience continually applauds (although Troy’s parents look QUITE PISSED OFF), we suddenly realise that in all the noise and commotion, Dougie and Harry have DISAPPEARED._

 

**SCENE THIRTY EIGHT**  
 _It’s early evening, outside the school. HARRY and DOUGIE are walking along the pavement. From inside the school, we can hear the students still singing the FINALE._

DOUGIE:  
You sure you don’t want to go join in?

HARRY:  
I’m perfectly sure. Besides, I’m pretty sure that I’ve been expelled for that stunt. 

DOUGIE:  
What?!! But – but – but where else could you go?! 

HARRY:  
Dunno. My mum was on about moving me to this school called Rydell High if I got into any more trouble... I guess it can’t be any worse than here!

DOUGIE:  
Maybe Mr Fletcher might choose not to kick you out, seeing as you were "expressing yourself"? Plus did you hear the applause? They LOVED you!! Only a lunatic would get rid of such a money spinner.

HARRY:  
Well, this IS Mr Fletcher we’re talking about. Meh. Either way, we’ve learnt a valuable lesson out of all this.

DOUGIE:  
What, that you’re an exceptionally good liar, Troy’s heartbroken and humiliated, and the only reason that Lil Chris is now popular is because people liked how he sung, not who he is?! 

HARRY:  
Yup. Happy endings all round!!

_Dougie shakes his head in disbelief._

DOUGIE:  
What did you mean earlier when you said "it was all for me"?

_Harry stops walking and looks at Dougie incredulously._

HARRY:  
You really don’t get how much of an influence you’ve had on things around here, do you? You’ve changed me, Dougie. You turned up in my life and immediately liked me for who I was. You didn’t run away screaming, which is what most people do. You accepted me and I fell in love with you. The only way I could show you how much you meant to me was by doing something really extreme.

DOUGIE:  
... you know, most guys just give flowers.

HARRY:  
Yeah, but where’s the fun in that? Plus, I really wanted to get one over on Bolton.

DOUGIE:  
I suppose so... I’ve got one more question though.

_He takes a deep breath. Harry waits patiently._

DOUGIE:  
 **WHY THE %$!£#$ DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS ALL FAKE?!!!**

_Harry laughs._

HARRY:  
I thought that was obvious!!

_Dougie stares at Harry. Clearly, it’s not._

HARRY:  
OK, look Doug, I say this as nicely as I can... when it comes to acting, you can’t be faulted on **enthusiasm**...

DOUGIE:  
Oi!! 

HARRY:  
What?! I also couldn’t risk someone twigging what was going on! If you accepted my new-self too easily, people would get suspicious! I had to keep your reactions as genuine as possible, which is why I couldn’t tell you! I’m sorry... do you think you’ll ever forgive me?

_He POUTS._

_Dougie pretends to be angry for a few seconds, letting Harry squirm. Then, he gives Harry a wry smile._

DOUGIE:  
Like I could ever not. 

_He throws his arms around Harry, stands on his tip-toes (hey, he’s short) and KISSES his Goth. They kiss for a few moments and then Dougie pulls away, though they’re still holding onto each other. He’s got black lipstick SMEARED AROUND HIS MOUTH again. He licks his lips._

DOUGIE:  
Mmm... I really missed how that stuff tastes.

_The music coming from inside the school has ended. We can still hear the APPLAUSE as the students inside take their final bows on stage. Dougie looks at Harry and smiles._

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] I lived inside my own head for years,  
Surrounded by my dreams and fears,  
I never knew what I was missing until the day I found you...

_Harry chuckles._

HARRY:  
[ _Singing VERY BADLY and OFF-KEY_ ] I didn’t want help and to be,  
I didn’t want company.  
But when I found you I realised what I’d been without...

_Harry sways Dougie gently, the two of them dancing slowly together in a circle on the spot._

DOUGIE and HARRY:  
[ _Singing_ ] Yeah, you opened up my eyes,  
Took me by surprise,  
Made me feel at home.  
And now, I am not alone.

DOUGIE:  
[ _Singing_ ] So keep hold of my hand,  
And make me understand  
What love can... do...  
[ _Spoken_ ] You know, you really can’t sing.

HARRY:  
[ _Laughs_ ] I promise – I’ll never do it again. 

_They lean in and KISS._

 

**THE END.**

**Author's Note:**

> One final note:
> 
> This fic was first posted on a livejournal McFlySlash community in 2009. A few years later, in 2011, Harry Judd won Strictly Come Dancing after surprising the hell out of everyone by revealing that he was actually a really good dancer. If I ever find out he went through a goth phase in his life, I think I'll DIE.


End file.
